Sunday, September 3, 2017

a Sunday as a special needs mom

"Mom, during pickup time, G was trying to get up to come to the door and some kid called him a slowpoke. I told him not to be mean, but I really wanted to slap him for saying that."

This prompted a discussion we seem to be having more and more these days. Earlier this week it was an older lady at the YMCA commenting about G's walking. Today it was a kid in church calling names. Of course, I commend my oldest for not responding with slapping. We talk about why we get angry when people say things about Bug and the reasons why they may say it and why we should think before we speak. It is easy to be the calm and collected mama on the ride home from church. It is not easy when I finally sneak away to the shower and cry my eyes out so my boys don't hear.

Bubby didn't know the name or even a good description of the boy who said the mean thing today, which honestly is probably a good thing since I volunteer now in there. And it isn't anything about this church or the teachers in there that caused this to happen. When we were at our Missouri church a child said in Bug's face right in front of me during Awana games, "Haha! You are slow!" To which I calmly but directly told the child that he was being unkind.

I think the thing that undid me this evening was the fact that this will happen more and more in the years ahead. Not necessarily at church, but at co-ops or playgrounds or birthday parties or story times. We pick on others to make ourselves feel better. Not just kids, adults, too. I know I have been guilty of this, and being on the mama side of it makes me realize just how horrible it is.

We are still settling in here.  The kids here don't know Bug. We haven't found our mama-hen-peer for Sunday school that we had a couple of previously. There isn't Art Inspired Academy where Bug is around kids who are more like him than not, who don't care that he doesn't run and can't hold a crayon well. The parents we know here we don't know well enough yet, and so they probably haven't had the "here's how to be a friend with someone with cerebral palsy and autism" talk yet. So in many ways I am starting from square one with educating and advocating and such.

I mentioned to the other volunteer in nursery with me today about Bug's noises sometimes in church. "Well at a Reformed church those noises really shouldn't bother other people since they are coming from a covenant child. Those are covenant cries and noises." I'm not Presbyterian enough yet to completely grasp everything about covenant children, but the encouragement helped me this morning and again now as I have dried my tears. Bug is a child of God that we have promised to raise in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, and therefore, church should be a place for him to be accepted and included. And he has been both at our Missouri church and our Arizona church. We have been blessed by pastors and elders who have been nothing but supportive and helpful.  But now some of the work and prayers begin again in making church a home be a more complete reality for my child.

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