Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Root Canals and the Desire To Settle

Two months in and we are settling a bit. The Hubs started his NP job last week, which thus far has consisted of training and shadowing. We are adjusting to having him work an 8-5 job for the first time in a long time. As someone who craves stability, I find this a beautiful adjustment.

In the in between time of his temporary job and the start of his NP job, I found myself needing a root canal. I was in sudden and excruciating pain. We were new in town and lacking dental insurance, so it was pretty much the perfect time for hundreds of dollars of dental work. And I had forgotten what a process a root canal is, so now with The Hubs working a regular job, I had to find someone to watch my kids so I could get a crown. I have cried a few times in recent days over this. First, when a lifelong family friend offered to drive a few hours to watch my kids. Then I cried when I realized how much I miss my Missouri friends. There are at least half a dozen people I could have called to watch the boys for me for an afternoon. Not having made those kinds of friends yet made me want to cry in the bathroom with the door closed more than once.  And it wasn't just tears from missing my friends, but for having to be so needy right away, asking for help and advice and recommendations.  I don't want to be needy. I want to have it all together. But I don't. I am new in town and in need.

I don't know how people survive without the local church. I don't say that judgmentally, but it has been such a lifeline for me that I cannot fathom being able to be new without a resource of community and friendship. We are pretty sure we have found our church home. We were invited to Easter dinner. I was given some ideas for babysitters. I have a place to go a couple of weeks to study and to laugh and to start making some friends. And so we are slowing starting to settle in here.

It doesn't feel like home yet. I miss the comfort zone of the last four years of Sundays and Wednesdays and other days, too. I still spend time each week saying our names, our previous locations, and our kids' ages to people we meet. But I'm starting to get to spend a few minutes each week discussing This Is Us and where to buy shoes for seven year old boys and why I love homeschooling and why Romans 3 is powerful and amazing. It doesn't feel like home yet, but it feels like it has potential to feel like home. And that potential keeps me hanging on through stressful dental appointments and keeps me hoping that we will find our place here pretty soon.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts with me.