Wednesday, February 12, 2014

updates, faith, and my word "quiet"

My word for the year is quiet, and I am finding myself quieter than usual with my blogging lately.  It is not because I have nothing to say. It is because I have much to say, yet I can't find (or sometimes don't want to find) the words.

We are in a beautiful and confusing and exhausting place right now. But mostly exhausting. I think my poor husband maybe gets four hours of sleep some nights between work, homework and going to school/clinicals.  I don't know how does it all, but he does. (And he is not even cranky. Seriously. I am a lucky woman.) It also looks like we have some answers about the next year or more, which is a good thing, but also a weird thing.

Bubby is a challenge in ways that are not "your typical boy." I don't have to worry about him throwing rocks or biting his brother. However, he is my child and by that I mean his mouth gets him in trouble.  Yet at the same time, his mouth projects some of the most profound questions and sincere faith that I think a person can have. By him, I am reminded of all of Jesus' words on becoming like a child, having faith like a child, and not being a stumbling block to little ones. The hardest, yet most effective discipleship program I have ever had is becoming a mother.

Bugaboo amazes us with some of the things he knows or picks up on, but we are still struggling so much with unlocking the key to better communication. His new thing has been crying spells. Beyond the typical two and three year old type tantrums that are easy to figure out, he also cries for unknown reasons. These times are heartbreaking and zap me of all energy.  During these crying spells he cries out for Jesus, and I don't quite know what to make of that. But as I'm holding him trying to calm him down, I find my heart (and sometimes my mouth) crying out for Jesus, too. 

There is much in my heart and in my home these days, even if I do not write about it.  Bubby cracks me up almost daily with the things he says.  Bug's newest thing has been to grab my face in his hands and give me a kiss - which really is just slobbering all over my face instead actually puckering up.  The Hubs and I keep putting one foot in front of the other each day, and we find moments when we laugh about something the boys do or an old inside joke. We rent a DVD on some Friday nights and just sit for a couple of hours, or we grab a cup of coffee on Thursday morning after preschool drop off.  By the grace of God we are making this adventure work. And there is a light at the end of this nursing school tunnel.

I try to hang on to the fact that God has a plan for us, that He is at work even when I don't understand it. I don't say that because I have faith or parenting or life in general figured out. I do not. I regularly have to remind myself that He will work this out for good because He loves us and we are called according to His purposes.  I am leaning into verses like that these days because without this faith I have found, I will come crashing down.

1 comment:

  1. Your perseverance is and ability to find joy in the everyday are such a wonderful example! Thank you!


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