Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Bugaboo these days (a free-write type of update)

I don't write as much about the kids as I used to. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing or just a thing. It just feels hard to write about.

Bugaboo is making progress, such progress, but in the midst of it, everything feels slow and a bit unsettled. It is kind of like when you are a teenager waiting for the phone to ring, waiting for that person you really like to call you wondering, wondering, wondering if they will ever call you. That's how it feels sometimes.

After a hard day, week or month when I start to wonder about what is going on, I see this glimpse of something new, this little light of potential. But then nothing. I sit waiting for that phone to ring, but it doesn't. And then I wonder, did I give out the wrong number? Is the phone not working?  This is what it is like waiting on Bugaboo these days.

 Bug has lots of words. He knows his shapes and letters and colors, but he can't give you a sentence. Not a real, on his own impromptu sentence. He can repeat back some things, sometimes he'll pull out a meaningful phrase, but whether it has meaning to him or not the way it has meaning to us, we're still unsure. He'll give you a line from a song or a book - heck, after one reading of a new book last week he remembered a detail about it this week when I pulled it out of the basket last night, so surely there is still so much to unlock in his sweet little head.

When he gets mad or sad in recent weeks (or maybe months) he always says, "Watch a movie?" We're not sure why but he does it almost every time. If he doesn't say that, he will say, "Sad day." Sometimes he just tells us sad day randomly throughout the day. He lists people's names. He mentions his old PT, Lexi, and always right after her he says, "Elmo Brave. Library." because during his old PT session Bubby was often allowed to watch a movie - which one time happened to be an Elmo is Brave movie from the library.

We are still working on motor skills quite a bit, too. He is getting better at the stairs, though he obviously needs someone right there if he is using a railing, and sometimes he needs a hand, as well. Strengthening his core and getting him to use hands for things (like silverware) is a very, very slow process. We are working on the phrase, "I want _____." Another slow process, as 97% of the time we ask him to repeat it, he instead refuses and says, "_____ please."

Duplos have been a great toy for him. Each day he gets better at putting the pieces together to make towers of his own. That really has been the only thing he is interested in playing with overall, though sometimes he will use the pretend kitchen and food. If it was up to him, he would sit in a huge pile of picture books all day long, just looking through them, "reading" them, and then moving to his Legos every now and then.

He loves the places we go. He is very cooperative at the library story time, except last week when I wouldn't let him dump something out. He loves church, and he prays almost every night for his Puggles and Sunday school teachers and friends. Every Sunday afternoon he tells us to go to small group.

The other night he was awakened around midnight, so I ended up lying down next to him for a few minutes on his bed. I worry most nights that I haven't done enough or that there is nothing left for me to do - either of those things can keep me tossing and turning. But the other night I was just there next to him, listening to him breathe. He rolled over and snuggled closer, asleep finally. I could have gotten up, but I stayed a few moments more, not consumed by worry for a change, instead just so incredibly glad to be his mommy.


  1. I love those quiet moments, being alone and snuggling with my kids. Thanks for the update, I will continue to pray for his progress!

  2. I've had periods like you mention above; I've written posts like you've written above. The only helpful thing I can say is that its incredibly important for you to diary these glimpses of his reality...and then go back in a year and reread them. Every time I go back months or years later and look at my "sad" posts I find some comfort in them and always see the growth and victories since that time. I often forget that the growth and victories are there until I go back and reread my blog and see how far we have come. Have you ever heard that analogy about how long it takes to turn a ship? Its kind of like that I think. In the open ocean, with no place to get your bearings, you don't know which way your ship is heading. And it takes a long long time to turn a ship. Its only after much time has passed, and you can get your bearings by locating a landmark, that you see that the ship has turned. Keep cranking on the wheel; his ship is turning. You will see it when you life quiets down and you can widen your view.

    1. I think I am going to keep coming back to this ship analogy. Thank you - I don't think I've heard that one before (or if I have I forgot).
      Yes, it is good for me to record the daily stuff - the hard stuff and the good stuff - to look back. It is easier for me on FB with pictures and brief milestone-ish updates, probably because it doesn't emotionally exhaust me as much. And I need to see his progress compared with him - not compared to everyone else's kid - that part is hard.
      Thanks, as always, for your encouragement and insight.

  3. I am so amazed by your strength! I will keep praying for you!

  4. Oh Amanda, you are an amazing mother. Thank you for sharing, and I will pray for your precious little man. Was it Einstein who did not talk until he was 9? I'm sure you know. Not trying to minimize your situation, but I just think you are so right in your assumptions of SO much going in your Bugaboo's mind. I miss you friend. :)

    1. Thank you, Kristy! I think about that Einstein story a lot, actually. Miss you!


Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts with me.