Tuesday, November 26, 2013

the days I am weak

Life as a "special needs mom" can be lonely. Every child's journey is different, but some of us have extra obstacles to overcome. Even those vary from child to child and family to family.  Yet when I read Nish's words yesterday, I found myself saying, "Yes, she understands." Even though my needs/fears/complaints might not be the exact replica of hers, much of what she said were the things I have experienced and thought. For awhile I didn't feel so alone.

The last couple of weeks have been long as we met with the IEP team. I won't write out the details other than to say I didn't feel that some of the people cared about the best interest of my son as much as their program or their dollars. Plus I knew my child's rights and my parental rights better than they expected. On top of that we were given another packet of paper with another evaluation of Bugaboo's strengths and weaknesses. The weaknesses were emphasized. Those conversations are hard and lonely. And the internal conversations I have with myself on what really is best for my son add to the stress.
(sidenote: This photo was not from today.
Today I would have welcomed a simple tantrum.)

Then today Bug's routine got changed because a schedule change for a Wednesday activity moved it to Tuesday. Therefore he thought all Wednesday activities should be happening this afternoon. This was followed up by being told, "Not right now" at home. Then he was given a lunch he did not want (though it is normally one of his favorites).

The meltdown occurred for quite some time. He sat in his crib crying. I stood at the counter, crying, although much more quietly than my son. On his own initiative, my four year old brought his younger brother a tissue and lovingly wiped his face through the bars of the crib. I was humbled and thankful.

It was during this chaos that I put out a call for help on Facebook: Please pray. Bug is having a rough day.  I try not to do that. I hate asking for help. I hate admitting I am tired, weak and worn some days.I try to stay positive about his progress. I worry about what people will think about my son and about me.

But I am learning (slowly) that sometimes I just need to ask for help. It will be better for everyone if I can just admit my weakness and struggles and say, "Please pray. Help please." Right away a friend from church told me we could come to her house if we needed. I knew she meant it. A friend from college told me she just prayed for me, and I knew that she did. Just those two simple things made me not feel so alone any more. It reminded me that help was here and help was on His way.

"For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish." Jer. 31:25

"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Cor. 12:9

1 comment:

  1. Oh the IEP meetings. Yes, they are hard, because they almost always emphasize the shortcomings and weaknesses. I love that our school does a parent/teacher conference a few weeks before, during which we talk about all that is going well, all the accomplishments and progress, and it makes that second meeting a little easier to bear. So sorry to hear some of your team is not as on it as you would like. I'll be praying for you both this week! Thanks for sharing. Much love to you.


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