Wednesday, November 13, 2013

how I've proved Him o'er and o'er

We rushed into BSF this morning with a minute to spare. On my way to drop the boys off to their classes I learned that the preschoolers were joining us for opening worship. Bubby walked with me into the sanctuary, to a pew near the front. The piano started.We opened up our hymnals to sing all the verses for both songs.

Bubby is in service with us each Sunday at our church, so it is nothing new to have him next to me in worship. But today I was filled with emotion having him next to me. The second hymn has been with me throughout motherhood. It is what I would sing through so many rough nights with Bugaboo not able to put himself to sleep. I sang this song to Bubby when he was just over three pounds hooked up to wires and monitors in the NICU.  


But I sang this song more than a year before Bubby was born. I sang it as my body miscarried baby number one. I sang it in between moments of screaming at God and questioning why. I sang it lying in bed with tears that would not stop. I sang it in the dark to give me a glimpse of light. I sang it to hold on to my faith when so much of me just wanted to let it go.


Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!

How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er;

Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
Oh, for grace to trust Him more!


Today when I was  in the giant sanctuary, Bubby said, "We sing this at our church!"  I looked down at my precious four year old. I couldn't keep the tears from escaping. The tears for what was lost. The tears for what I have been given.


5 comments:

  1. ask and He gives us
    more grace, more faith, more love
    peace to you today!

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  2. Dear Amanda
    Although we don't usually understand the ways of God, we have the assurance that He will work out everything for our good and His glory. It is never easy, but in retrospect we always how this is true!
    Blessings XX
    Mia

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  3. Beautiful reflections. This song (yours) and another one I sing over and over are mainstays for me, even (as you said), with tears streaming down: "Great is Thy Faithfulness". I have that verse from Lamentations on Norm's headstone. Thanks for the reminder and encouragement.

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  4. Wow, Amanda.
    Yes, tears for what was lost and for what was given...simply beautiful ...Thank you :)

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