Monday, September 16, 2013

a letter

Dear Bugaboo,

Thursday we learned your receptive language is more than a year beyond your chronological age, while your expressive language and your motor skills are about a year behind what they "should" be. After spending most of your life searching for answers, we got some last week.While the label doesn't answer all our questions about some of the mysterious ways you have, it gives us a starting point. Or rather more of a slightly readjusted continuing point.

I want you to know that you are not a label, sweet boy. As helpful as it will sometimes be to have one and as frustrating as it may be for you in the future to have one, let me repeat this: You are not a label. You are not mild cerebral palsy.

You are the two and a half year old who has always picked up on the melodies of songs, as long as you can sing it solo.  You are our child who this summer memorized much of our two favorite Pete the Cat books. You make us smile at the way you love the pool and beam with pride at the way you already know your capital letters. You have been the snuggliest of the two children God gave me, and I am in no hurry to push away the moments you bury your head into my shoulder and fall asleep. You love babies,dogs, your big brother, and your Uncle Chow. You know exactly which intersection we turn on to get to Starbucks and which one leads us to the books at the library.

You work hard every week with your various therapies you attend. I have no right to want to cry and complain on the treadmill after seeing the workouts you do. Every milestone you have achieved by prayer and by your hard work and effort.

Therefore I promise I will keep working hard for you. I will fill out reams of paperwork if that is what takes. I will not stop pestering the neurologist. I will Google and email and call any resources I can if that is what is needed.  But I will also remember to keep the perspective that  you need me to be me more than your advocate and case manager - you mostly need me to be your mommy.

So I will keep reading the same Little Critter book six times a day. I will get out the watercolors, the Legos, or the Laurie Berkner dinosaur cd that you love. I will let you crawl on my back to wrestle me with your big brother And on those days when we are just tired, I will put on Veggie Tales and sit with you on the couch because that is what most good moms of almost-three year olds do.

Love always,


  1. You are an excellent writer!... and this made me tear up. You are an excellent woman!

  2. Grady (and Cole) is a fortunate boy to have you as "advocate & case manager", and most especially, as Mommy!!

  3. Oh yes. This is just perfect. I love the point of view you are taking with your son, its one I hope to always show to mine as well. I love this.

    1. Thank you, Rachel. I know you understand so much of the heart of this.

  4. So teary-eyed right now. This is one of the most beautiful things I've read Amanda. Sharing this on my blog. Love you... you are SUCH a good mama...

    1. Thank you, Emily. Your encouragement means so much because you have a such a good mama heart, and it comes through in your writing.


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