Tonight as The Hubs and I were cleaning up dinner, we were discussing a variety of things. At one point I asked, "Do you want a complementarian marriage?"
"No," he replied.
"Okay, I was just checking."
"I think it's fine that it works for other people, but I don't think it would work for us," he continued. "You need to be you."
We've been at our reformed Baptist church for six months now. We love the preaching and the people. It is a great fit for our family. I am learning so much from this community.
But I have to say I breathed a sigh of relief tonight that my husband knows who I am and who he is, what we believe about marriage and what works for us. Submitting to Christ and to each other.
Our marriage has changed over the eight and a half years. I wish I hadn't been so stubborn early on. I wish I had listened more and better understood that marriage is a lot of sacrifice and communication. I am learning a lot from my complementarian friends and have a lot of respect for them even though I don't think I'll take that label on. I'm not going to challenge my church's view on these things because I knew going into it what the beliefs were.
I know I'm not a feminist. I don't know that I would call my marriage egalitarian either. I can't really be labeled.
But for now I'll try this out: a stay-at-home mom semi-Reformed Baptist with Pentecostal tendencies and mostly egalitarian views on marriage except for parenting in which I lean a little more complementarian.
Basically - it's complicated and always subject to change.