Tuesday, March 12, 2013

of sleepless nights at two years old

At 3 a.m. I hear you
I take you out, change you, and carry you down the hall
your head on my shoulder
with monster breath and endless drool from the teething
we toss and turn, me with more care than you,
and sleep evades us

every time I try to put you down you cry
you are a toddler, not a newborn
but tonight age is really just a number

at some point I camp out on your floor
you roll, you holler, you snuggle, you push away
nothing works
I whisper a cuss word and then a repentant prayer
surely there is grace for a weary one just trying to mama

three hours pass and I carry you now to the couch
the support broken, the cushion pressed down
from all the nights I've held you or your brother
in this same position
comforting you as I lose feeling in my left shoulder

It is now 7, the sun is up and you are asleep
and I am exhausted, but I still hold you
the reward is your soft cheek against me
your pudgy fingers curled around one of mine as I take your hand

and somehow it is enough

linking this up tomorrow with emily's imperfect prose

4 comments:

  1. that "enough"

    how He can take our nothing and make it more, yes, even enough

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  2. Hello! Coming over from Imperfect Prose. This describes my nights perfectly. Exactly. Blessings to another nightime mommy warrior!! It's amazing how it always is enough. I think God gives special nighttime momma grace to us. I'll be thinking of you and your beautiful little one as I am up with mine tonight!

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  3. Oh yes, my son is three and a half and my daughter six and they still have sleepless nights. I swear every time they have a growth spurt they turn into newborns again. Sometimes I almost love it, the tenderness and neediness from little ones getting bigger every minute. Sometimes.

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  4. Way to go Mama!
    Hang in there! Some day we'll laugh about these things, right??

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