Tuesday, February 26, 2013

recognizing truth

Forty-five minutes.

That is how long I cried after reading an email yesterday.

I was so confused. Bewildered. Sad. Frustrated.  The note was eerily similar to messages I have received for years. There were even similar words used. I thought about it all afternoon and evening.  Then I tried not to think about it, but the words would not stop echoing in my head.

About 11:00 I sprawled out on the couch with a blanket over my head.

You are not enough. And also you are too much.

I realized the two phrases that have haunted me for years were the underlying theme of the email.

And then I recognized that those phrases were a lie.  On my own I may not be enough or I may be too much, but in Christ I am a beloved child of God.  I will live in that truth.

Therefore I will keep speaking the truth, even if it hurts.

5 comments:

  1. I'm praying for you. Keep believing truth, even if you have to physically write it on your arms.

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  2. Yes to what JoAnn said. Sharpie.

    Dear Heavenly Father: Thank You for Amanda. Thank You for the relationship she has with You. Give her confidence daily, hourly, minutely!, in her status as Your annointed child. Help her to know and live out her calling. Help her to rest in Your love. I pray, too, for this one who has hurt her. Open this person's eyes and soften his or her heart. I pray for reconciliation, but only if it's in the best interest of both parties. Thank You for loving us; we love, trust, and thank You. Amen.

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  3. Thank you for your vulnerability! The eternal struggle of striving. Thank you for speaking truth into this situation and sharing that truth with us!

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  4. Thank you for your encouragement, ladies, and your prayers, Brandee. I think the hard part is I didn't see the words and tone in this email coming. I'm still shocked at some of it. But there are so many lessons I have learned about God, myself, and others just in this 24 hr period. He has used this to work at similar areas of scarring on my heart, and I am thankful that for me something really good has come out if something sad.

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  5. Good for you! Speaking the truth is sooooo important. It hurts beyond words to be told (let alone repeatedly or by those you trust or love) that you are too much or not enough. I've been there and still struggle almost daily with those lies, myself. Thank you for sharing and being so transparent! God bless.

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