On Fridays Lisa-Jo says, "Let’s just write and not worry if it’s just right or not. Here’s how to play along."
This week is afraid.
I sit in this small house. It's on the wrong side of town and lacks closet space. I'm afraid that we will be stuck here forever in all that this house represents. And it isn't really about the house. It is about broken dreams and unmet expectations. I can tell myself to look at how far I've come in letting go of the comparison trap, in the progress I've made in doubting and blaming God, but if I am truly honest with myself, in the rare quiet moments when I am alone, I am afraid.
Just like Eve I am afraid of missing out. I am afraid that God can't be trusted.
I second-guess the majority of decisions I have made.I say that paint on the walls, money in the bank, and a closet full of new shoes won't make me happier, but there are days when I wonder. There are days when I want to test out that theory with the swipe of a Discover card. But my fear of debt overrides my fear of not having all of the right things.
And so we stay the course which for us means me staying home with the kiddos while The Hubs works and studies. When the morning comes I choose to shut off my fears and remember.