Friday, February 1, 2013

five mjnute friday - afraid

On Fridays Lisa-Jo says, "Let’s just write and not worry if it’s just right or not. Here’s how to play along."

This week is afraid.

I sit in this small house.  It's on the wrong side of town and lacks closet space.  I'm afraid that we will be stuck here forever in all that this house represents.  And it isn't really about the house.  It is about broken dreams and unmet expectations.  I can tell myself to look at how far I've come in letting go of the comparison trap, in the progress I've made in doubting and blaming God, but if I am truly honest with myself, in the rare quiet moments when I am alone, I am afraid.

Just like Eve I am afraid of missing out. I am afraid that God can't be trusted.

I second-guess the majority of decisions I have made.I say that paint on the walls, money in the bank, and a closet full of new shoes won't make me happier, but there are days when I wonder. There are days when I want to test out that theory with the swipe of a Discover card. But my fear of debt overrides my fear of not having all of the right things.

And so we stay the course which for us means me staying home with the kiddos while The Hubs works and studies.  When the morning comes I choose to shut off my fears and remember.

Remember provision.
Remember surprises.
Remember joy.
Remember truth.

Five Minute Friday

10 comments:

  1. i'd never thought about eve like that... afraid of missing out. i'd always focused on the lack of gratitude allowing discontent to step in. great thoughts!

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  2. Thanks for sharing your heart. It is so easy to fall into that comparison trap and wonder if the grass is really greener on the other side. Blessings to you!

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  3. Yes. Yes, this is just right. I needed to read these words today.

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  4. Oh some days it so hard to shut out those doubts and fears, isn't it? Keep remembering! Thanks for sharing : )

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  5. A couple of thoughts: 1)I have so much respect for those of you who do the 5-minute thing...especially those of you who do it well. I would never do it...probably b/c I would never do it well. 2)I can relate to your frustration to a certain extent. I'm pretty well situated, but my husband is stricken w/ extreme frugality. We don't reuse our baggies or paper towels (yet), but I live so differently than I did before we married. It was a hard, hard adjustment at first, and I still sulk, sometimes, b/c I miss shopping. (My husband does 90-95% of the shopping: groceries, Christmas, everything.) When I do break out w/ the debit card, I don't enjoy myself b/c I know whatever I spend will be more than what he would've spent, and I'm just never in the mood to hear about it. It's taken the fun out of shopping, entirely. On the up-side, he works very hard at getting me what I WANT on top of what I need, so it's just a matter of waiting for him to find the deal and feel good about how much was spent. He's a genius, really, and I'm thankful to be home w/ our children.

    I'm sorry for your hard wait. Thinking about the first 5 verses of Romans 5, for you. Lots of love. Following along for awhile.

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    1. Thanks for pointing me to Romans 5. I was just talking about endurance to my husband the other day. Those verses remind me if the ones in James 1, but the Romans ones have such an encouraging focus on hope. Hope, true hope, can get us through anything.

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    2. Also I don't always do FMF. Just when I can. And sometimes my entries are very short. :)

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  6. I struggle with so many of the same issues, especially with fear, doubt, and trust. The "remembering" aspect is critical for me to move through it. Praise and worship also helps me tremendously.

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  7. SO good! Thank you for your encouragement by example!

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  8. Wow! I love your honesty here! And isn't it so hard not to compare up? To look at those with nicer houses and healthier kids and perfect hair, instead of those without a home, without the love of a family, without what we take for granted? So glad that God is good, and all it takes is remembering :)

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Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts with me.