We had to make a very hard decision yesterday. We have discussed it for months now, not wanting to make the decision because overall we were happy and growing and loved. But in one tiny aspect we felt alone, hurt, rejected, and in the big picture of things, we are unsure of how healthy it would be for our family over time.
I cried on the drive to the appointment yesterday. What would these two friends think? Say? Ask? Their kindness and their questions made it easier and harder as I shared about our decision.
In so many other instances in my life when I have shared about my heartbreaks, about us taking a stand, about rejection I have been made to feel that it was all my fault, that there was something wrong with me. But my friends yesterday cried with me, prayed with me, loved on me. They let me know that there is always a place for my family with them, with their communities. So much healing happened in my heart at that table. That healing surpassed the details of this situation, and flooded over to begin to heal parts of my heart that never experienced such understanding and love in other situations.
I cried on the drive home. I felt the weight of the unfairness of it all - leaving these amazing people for now. It is frustrating that just one little thing can cause so much damage. The unwillingness to do the right thing, to ask others to do the right thing, does not just affect an individual, but ultimately an entire community. But slowly I am given peace. God knows the right place for us at this time, even if we don't. And I am hopeful that some how, someday, He can restore what has been lost, that He can bring us back.
I am weary, but encouraged. God cares about the things that break our hearts. He showed me that yesterday as I sat with my two friends.