Wednesday, January 23, 2013

on motherhood and waiting

The minivan has an empty back row.

I think I have known for most of my life that I have wanted four children.  So you can imagine the heartache of making the decision after a miscarriage and two premature babies to not get pregnant any more.  My uterus says she can't take any more, but my heart says I can't live without them.

Somewhere out there are children that I don't know yet, but I already love.  Just like I loved my babies in the womb from the time they were just a grain of rice, I already love these children. At this time they are only a dream to me, but I still love them. If it was within my power, I'd find them and get them today. However, I must wait and hope and pray because that is all I can do.

We lack the resources right now. The Hubs needs to finish nursing school. We have not even started one iota of the process. But it doesn't stop me from praying for them, just as I pray for the children that are already under my roof.

I can't sew a button.  My cooking is probably a B-minus. I may never get to seminary, and I might never write that book. But I was made to be a mommy . I do not doubt this.  Even on the exhausting days. Even on the days filled with therapy appointments for Grady and endless questions from Cole. Especially on these days ... I am reminded that I am good at this. And so I wait.

I'm linking up with Emily's imperfect prose for today's prompt "motherhood."


  1. Amanda, this is exactly what my heart has been aching for as well...the children that I believe God has for us but that He is asking us to wait for. And so...we wait and pray!

  2. I know that God hears the desire of your heart. I love that you realize that being a mama is a wonderful, wonderful thing. :)

  3. I'm here via emily's imperfect prose post. I hear you, and I honor your yearning. Miscarriage is a heartbreak I remember well. But blessings to you in your motherhood.

  4. You are so good at parenting!Thanks for sharing your heart.

  5. Oh friend, this is so beautifully tender. The Lord hears the cry of your heart. May you have peace in days ahead. Thank you for sharing this yearning of your heart. You stir my momma's heart today with your words.


Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts with me.