Wednesday, October 24, 2012

a break from researching (day 24)

He's still taking his wobbly, timid steps with much coaxing. When he's in the right mood he can take several at a time, and then he claps for himself.  The clapping is so adorable my heart could burst from happiness.  When he's in an uncooperative mood, the walking and all of the other skills we are working on are more of a challenge.

There are moments when he belly laughs with his brother. For instance, tonight he grabbed Bubby's sheet while I was tucking him in.  Bubby let out a holler to protest, and what did Bugaboo do?  He laughed and laughed.  It felt so incredibly "normal." 

But there are moments when I watch him, and the tears start to flow. The work, the unanswered questions, the appointments - some days I am overwhelmed by the situation we are in. So I redirect my fears and emotions into research. I sit at the computer, trying to figure out what is causing the delays, trying to find new strategies to implement, and trying to keep in mind how good we have it in our country, community, and home. It doesn't always work. Sometimes the fears and emotions remain.

At some point today I realized I had taken a break from researching what might be causing his delays.  It's been over a week since the blood work, and waiting for results has given me a vacation from this. I am hopeful that in another week or two we will have some answers. And I suppose the searching and researching will begin again then.

But for now I'll use this waiting time to spend working with my son and praying instead of pouring my worries out to countless Google searches of labels and symptoms.  And I hope that when the answers arrive, I remember what I've learned this week about the best use of my time.

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