Monday, September 10, 2012

all the way my Savior leads me

We have an orthotics appointment early in the morning. Seems like this month is another busy month for Bugaboo.  In many ways this is the least stressful of the appointments.  He will get some sort of insert or brace for his foot or leg most likely. Not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things. But I can't stop the tears tonight as I sit and think about it.

Perhaps I am a bit emotional because our genetics appointment that was supposed to be here in town on Friday- the one we have been waiting for for months - got cancelled at the end of last week.  The scheduler didn't know if they could fit him in even in October. So in a couple of weeks I will make the three hour drive to University of Missouri Hospital with Bugaboo.

It gets lonely - this road of medical appointments, paperwork and follow-ups, questions without answers. It kills me to not have any answers. He is 21 months old, and he is developmentally 10-12 months old. So far we have no reason for this. Neither do the experts. It gets frustrating seeing the gap between what my son should be able to do and what he can do get wider, even though he has made progress. He has no label, so I don't fit into any already established support group. Even just looking at him one can't tell that he has developmental issues.

Sometimes I grow weary, and even embarrassed, of asking for prayer so often. Sometimes I wonder if people are thinking, "Here she goes again. What's wrong with her kid anyway?" But I don't know where else to turn, and I will never stop fighting for my kids - in the physical and the spiritual realm. 

We have a great support system - our families are not local. Yet there are people in this season of our life who love our boys, and for that I am thankful.  I will rest tonight remembering that Jesus has a plan for my children. I will day by day. moment by moment, give Him my concerns. He loves them more than I can even fathom. And He loves me that much, too.

All the way my Savior leads me,
What have I to ask beside?
Can I doubt His tender mercy,
Who through life has been my Guide?
Heav’nly peace, divinest comfort,
Here by faith in Him to dwell!
For I know, whate’er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well;
For I know, whate’er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well.


  1. Please don't feel embarrassed about asking for prayer for your little guys! It a) gives me, the far away family, a loving reminder to really pray and not just talk about prayers I'm not saying; and b) it exemplifies your love for your children... something that (obviously) one should never be embarrassed about.
    I will PRAY that you are given answers. And that any answer or lack of an answer will be accompanied by peace.
    Love you and wish I could hang out with you on those long car rides!

    1. Thanks, Natalie! I wish you were here to hang out with. How can I convince you to move to Missouri? :) Love you!


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