"Accept yourself in your weariness, knowing that I understand how difficult your journey has been. Do not compare yourself with others, who seem to skip along their life-paths with ease. Their journey has been different from yours ..." (from Jesus Calling pg. 235 by Sarah Young)
On Saturday I heard a message on the importance of being faithful in the mundane, the sacredness of the simple things. It is Monday now, and the boys are fighting their naps. The oldest is being ridiculous, and the youngest is cranky. It doesn't matter that we spent an hour playing at the park this morning, or we mixed up some cookie dough after lunch. I am weary of the routines at this moment. I long for something big and significant to happen. And if not significant, than just some good old fashioned quiet would be okay by me.
What am I supposed to learn in this season? How can God speak to me and fill me and use me amidst Fox in Socks and the cracker crumbs that multiply before I have a chance to vacuum them? Why does it always seem that I am being taught lessons on trust, patience and dependence when I would rather learn about giving, encouragement and rest?
I took a walk with my boys and three friends last night, and felt very young and somewhat old all at once. This journey I'm on has twisted and turned in directions I've never imagined. Throughout the day my prayer life utters a sentence or two - a thanksgiving or a request - but I long for more. But I am learning to trust for my daily bread.
The slight change in temperature this week tells me autumn is on its way. The anticipation of my favorite season and the dread of the one that it leads to battle in my mind. Nothing is constant except the guarantee that things will change. I dare not get too attached to future plans. Heartbreak has jaded me a bit. I pray that the walls will not come up where they are not needed.
What is the point of these paragraphs? I'm not sure. I only know that I now hear the soft, steady breathing of two of the people that take my breath away. And in hearing them I am reminded how much I am loved, and that He is with me for every step, for every season.