Friendship doesn't look quite the same, now that I have been on this earth for more than three decades. In the early days it involved sharing Barbie dolls and choreographing dances to New Kids on the Block cassettes. These friendships shifted to talking about cute boys and teenage drama and griping about parents or siblings. My dorm life days consisted of several girls sharing heartache and laughter and a pizza, making ice cream runs in the freezing rain, and taking lots of walks around campus once the sun set. All of these "best four years" were set to the soundtrack of Sara Groves and Jennifer Knapp.
Leaving the cocoon of friendship that childhood, adolescence and the college years offered is like the shock a baby gets while exiting the warmth of the womb. "Put me back in!" we seem to cry, looking back wistfully at those days when friendships were deep and constantly available.
I've been disappointed by friendship in adulthood mainly because it hasn't been what friendship in the earlier days was. Partly this was due to unrealistic expectation. Some was due to the phase of life I am currently in. Another factor is personality. And then fill in the rest of the equation with various odds and ends of the mess we call "real life."
But tonight I sit here and realize that friendship, though different in my phase, still is there. It is still a beautiful gift, just packaged differently. It's no longer sleepovers or two hour long phone conversations or spur of the moment trips. Instead it has become friends who come for coffee on a random Thursday afternoon during nap time or a Tuesday evening for dinner. It's the out-of-the-blue call from one of my favorite cousins on her way to Target. Friendship these days are the hugs on a Sunday morning and prayers for me - real prayers for me - throughout the week. It's the gals who watch me Zumba and do not laugh. It's the facebook messages and emails discussing books and blogs, work issues and potty-training, too. It's the friends who come to town to visit that I can pick up with where we left off.
Tonight friendship looks just a little bit brighter because I am looking at it from a new perspective. And there is also the potential of friendships just on the horizon. Slowly I am learning to not worry about the people who don't want to be my friend, and instead to enjoy the blessing of the people who accept me just the way I am.
*side note: I am still figuring out some other things about friendship, so I will most likely wrestle those issues on here in the not so distant future.