Thursday, May 31, 2012

a non-emergency medical update

I think I posted a few weeks ago that the interim neuro here in town called us with Bugaboo's MRI results - nothing out of the ordinary. Which is good for getting his cyst removed. It is slightly frustrating because we still don't have any answers for why Bugaboo is having developmental delays.

Our pediatrician wants us to see a different pediatric neuro (I read between the lines - different aka better), so we got into Kansas City's children's hospital faster than Columbia. They sent over G's MRIs, and we have an appointment with that neuro July 23. I have been told she is a doctor who is very into teaching her patients/families, so that will be a good thing I think.

Our pediatrician also wants Bugaboo to see a geneticist to try to figure out what is going on. Unfortunately, there is a nine month wait list for that.  Apparently a geneticist also visits here, and the wait list may be shorter (as in six monts perhaps), so they are putting us on that one, too.

Bugaboo already receives P.T. from FirstSteps (our early intervention program here in Missouri), and they are coming out in a couple of weeks to do a speech and OT eval.  I have been asking for both of these for a few months now, but everyone kept saying, "Just wait and see. He's a preemie. It will click."  Well, now that he is almost a year and a half all the "in the know" people seem to be freaking out just a bit that it hasn't clicked - that he isn't saying words (other than mamammama and daddadadada - and not even directly to us all the time).

His eye contact is still somewhat of a mystery - he watches Bubby a lot and engages when The Hubs plays with him in the "rough play" that daddies and sons do, but he doesn't respond a lot to me in the average day to day play/tasks, etc. He is happy most of the time, but he is getting more and more agitated with noises. He cries a lot with sudden sounds or actions (much of the time from big brother) that seem to upset him. Motion calms him. He loves to swing, be bounced, be "tossed" around. He is happiest when he is doing these movements or when he is in water.

I didn't mean to type that all out, but maybe I needed to see it all written out. My mysterious Bugaboo - he doesn't fit into any category it seems right now. And that is okay except that I do not know what else I can be doing to help him.  However, the mommy and the educator in me is having a really hard time with that.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

as my three-pound preemie turns three years old

 I woke up, and you were two days from turning three. You went to your first day of Sunday School instead of the nursery. Your daddy stayed with you for about ten minutes, and I dashed to the nursery so that I wouldn't have to think about it and because it was my week on the schedule. I picked you up and you had a paper bag craft with your name on it. You carried it proudly and asked to go to church - not quite understanding that this was now church for you.

At the picnic, you drank pink lemonade from a clear Solo cup, and you asked to go play (like the bigger kids were doing). So I held your hand, and walked you to the bounce house. But you kept dropping my hand to run on ahead. I smiled as I watched you on the inflatable trampoline machine - the way you sat in there while the other preschoolers bounced, unsure of what to do but you were clearly enjoying that you were finally a part of the action.

We drove home after one because you and your brother were getting cranky. Looking back to the backseat where you chattered on about this and that, I noticed how much you are not a baby. Then a part of my heart broke off and a part of it soared.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Saturday Silles and Sweet Stuff (episode 2)

Stopping to write down the things that my boys did that made me smile this week.
  • While I was cleaning the bathrooms this morning, Bubby popped his head in and said, "Yay, Mommy! Yay, Mommy!" (Sidenote: I do clean my bathrooms are on pretty regular basis.)
  • "ONE MORE JESUS!" Bubby quote of the day when I tried to wrap up bedtime prayers after he had thanked Jesus for about 300 different things,
  • Bubby was looking through a brochure the zoo sent us. In it there was a picture of a mouse (or some other nasty rodent), and I said, "That mouse is gross."  Bubs replied,"No it's NOT gross!" Apparently the tribe has spoken on that one.
  • Bubby hates getting his hair washed in the tub. HATES it.  But today in the pool he had such fun dumping water all over MY head. I dumped right back (carefully), but at one point totally got water all up in his face, espcially his nose. (I felt awful.) He was shocked, and I thought he would cry, but he didn't. He recovered very quickly and continued dousing me while shrieking with laughter.
  • Bubby's birthday is just a couple of days away, and as cards and presents have arrived, we have just let him open them (it seems better that way at his age).  Today he got a couple of cards with money in it, and he took a dollar out and said, "Here's for Daddy."
  • Bugaboo was sick Monday-Wednesday in ways I shall not even begin to describe, and then he spent the rest of the week just recovering. Hopefully lots of sweet and silly stuff from him in the week ahead.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

how to buy a swimsuit

A few weeks ago, I purchased a swimsuit. But I wasn't 100% thrilled with it. So I returned it today. Which left me back where I started -swimsuitless.The two swimsuits I own are pre-kids. One actually was the tankini I bought in college, back in the day when people would vicariously buy swimsuits through me. Yes, my friends jokingly said that to me ten years ago. Those days are over.

Armed with my Mother's Day giftcard from my father-in-law and pushing an at capacity double stroller, we made the long elevator ride (or "alligator," as Bubby called it) to the Macy's swimsuit section.  Just as I got started looking through the suits, Bubby informed me that he had to go pee-pee. Thankfully we saw a clean and double-stroller-friendly-family bathroom. Bubby got stage fright and refused to peepee on the public toilet, but since he was in a pull-up, I didn't push the issue.

Back to the swimsuit section we rolled. I might also add that two or three saleswomen were looking at me like I was a potential shoplifter. Apparently in my 4:00 on Thursday stay-at-home-mom outfit, I do not look classy enough to shop there. One of the women wanted to "help me," so instead of having her lurk, I put her to work.

 "I'm looking for a simple one piece." I told her.
"Oh, well we mostly just have tankinis or other two pieces." she replied.

Yes, yes, I know. I was here last week and tried on a myriad of swimsuits that did not work in that category.  Today, almost right away I found (on my own) the one I wanted, Even so, the saleslady continued holding up several one piece swimsuits that I do not think I am in the right age demographic for yet... or ever.

"Are you going to try that on?" she asked.
"No, I think it will work."  I am not the type of mother that wants to take her toddler boys into a changing room and try on swimsuits in front of. Nor did I think my beast of a stroller would fit.

Now if you know me, you know I hate trying on clothes. I avoid it whenever possible, but I do not think I have ever purchased a swimsuit without trying it on first.  Usually I go through a dozen or two in a fitting room, each with its flaws. Or rather me with my flaws that the swimsuits and mall lighting accentuate.

Tonight I came home with my new purchase and tried it on. It fits, and I think I love it.  I look like a woman who has had two babies and has yet to find time or money or motivation to workout. But I love my suit. And my self-esteem was not lowered by critiquing myself in dressing room mirror. I think I may never try on a swimsuit at a store ever again.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

grace to stop ignoring the verbs

(for imperfect prose today, a poem reflecting the internal struggle I have had for so long - and am still having as I am still learning what it is to truly trust and obey)

We pick
                  and choose
                                          the parts of the Bible that appeal to us.

All of us do this.

Whether we are Commander in Chief or mega church pastor.
Whether we are seminary student or stay at home mom.
We say that we don't,
                                               but we do.

Which is why the world is so broken.

There is need such great need for compassion
such great need for accountability.

A need for grace and a need for justice.

Focused on what is convenient
or what is easy
or what is easy to tell others to do...
we end up ignoring the other parts
or even the big picture.

We claim to be pro-life and anti-euthanasia, but we ignore the orphan and the widow.
We preach on family values when it is against the homosexual, but we whitewash the lifelong effects of a family destroyed by adultery.
We tithe to have a church gymnasium and laser light shows during worship, but we can't give up this week's Starbucks to give a meal to a child in Africa ... or Springfield, Missouri.

We all have our roles to play, and what God calls one of us to He may not call the other.

But He does command this of His followers:

ensure justice for those being crushed
speak up for the poor and helpless
do good
help the oppressed
defend the cause of orphans
fight for the rights of widows
refuse to let the world corrupt you

So I pray that He gives me the strength and the grace and the ability to do what He calls me to do.
Then I rest in the promise that He will and He does.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

when God answers prayers and puts new ones in your heart

We've been a one-car family since November/December. Somewhere around the holidays it happened - I can't quite remember.  The job my husband has does not lend itself to me dropping him off at work and having the car for the day. Or evening, as is often the case of his hours.

We have been praying for the right second vehicle at the right time for months now. There were a few things we were looking for - price, miles, room, reliable - and this week we found a new-to-us minivan. It checked out at our mechanic, and a few "signs" we were praying for matched up. So thanks to the generosity of some people who love us, and The Hubs negotiating skills, we will have a second vehicle this week.

This means I can take the boys to story time at the library, to the park to meet with friends, to the zoo when the weather is not too miserable, to the grocery store when I rn out of something that I didn't realize I had run out of - without having to coordinate schedules with The Hubs. It means in the fall we can pick up a couple of college students without transportation on the way to church.

And most of all, best of all, it means we can start the process of becoming foster parents - a dream that has been on my heart for quite some time now, especially for the last year or so. The Hubs works with many children in the system for his job, and my former life as a teacher also gave me some insight, and we believe that Christians who are able to should be willing to open up their hearts and homes for children in need. Our informational meeting before we can start the training is mid-June. More on all of this to come because I have so much on my heart to share.

Right now we thank God for His provision and for those who were willing to be used by Him to help provide for us. We pray that through this provision we would be able to bless others.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Saturday Sillies and Sweet Stuff

A week or two ago, a friend commented on my facebook how I should be recording somewhere all the hilarious things Bubby is doing.  I realized facebook is not enough, and that this blog, which started out primarily to be about Bubby (and later Bugaboo) has evolved into more than that. (Which is good.) However, I also realized that I do not do enough simple updates on the cute, funny, endearing, and ridiculous things the kids do.  Therefore, I am going to start a new Saturday deal most likely for the grandparents, aunties, uncles, and others who live far away.

Saturday Sillies and Sweet Stuff  
episode one
  • "P is for poo-poo! P is for piano! P is for popcorn!" Bubby showing off his fine pre-literacy skills.
  • In the kiddie pool in the backyard, "My shorts are wet!" as Bubby decides to take off his swim trunks (even though I tried to explain that it is okay for them to be wet). I did make him keep on his Little Swimmer pull-up things, which he did manage to take off for a minute on the patio.
  • Also in the pool, "Mommy's in underwear!"  Awesome. Again, swimsuit discussion.
  • "I LOVE monsters!"
  • When Bubby asks a question, usually starting with "May I have..." if he doesn't get the answer he likes, he answers his own question with, "Yes, you may!" very happily. (Sometimes he also says "made" instead of "may.")
  • Bugaboo is starting to crawl a little bit bigger distances - he can go about halfway across the bedroom or more. Of course, his favorite things to crawl to are the nightlight in his room (a no-no) and in the hallway he wants to go to the carbon monoxide detector (also a no-no).

Wednesday, May 16, 2012


Last week, my friend Danavee, gave me a Liebster Award.  I am now supposed to write five random facts about myself and nominate five blogger friends.

My five random fun-filled facts:

1.My friend, Lisa, once convinced me to join her in painting our college letters on our faces before the homecoming football game. She also convinced me to participate in many other ridiculous activities including barn swinging, getting ice cream in freezing rain, and riding the virtual reality ride at the mall just because.  She did not succeed in convincing me to get a friendship freckle or a tattoo that said, W2S 4-ever.
2. My car is always a disaster of clutter. I would like to blame this on having kids, and much of the mess is now due to them, BUT even pre-kids I tended to live out of my car.
3. Even with online reminders, I am still a library-fine accumulator. (And therefore, library fine payer.) My fines are not as enormous as they were in my youth, but they happen more than I would like to admit.
4. I am a carb-aholic.  And a dessert-aholic.  And a fru-fru coffee-aholic. But there are much worse things to be addicted to than these, so I'm okay with it.
5. True confession: In third grade I did a dance routine to "Cold Hearted Snake" for our class talent show.  I should probably also make mention in this true confession that I have never, ever, not even once taken a dance class in my life. So I am not entirely sure what possessed me to pick dance as a talent since a)it obviously was NOT a talent, b)the idea of doing anything on stage like that today makes me so nervous I could throw up just thinking about it,  and c)I had a perfectly legit talent of playing piano back in the day.

Here are five bloggers I am nominating for this award:

Here is what to do if I tagged you:
  • Choose five up and coming blogs to give the award to, must have 200 or less followers.
  • Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them.
  • Post the award on your blog.
  • List the blogs you gave the award to with links to their sites. Leave a comment on their blog to let them know they have received the award.
  • Share five random facts about yourself.

Friday, May 11, 2012

five minute friday - identity

Joining with The Gypsy Mama's group to write without editing for five minutes on this week's topic - identity.

At thirty-one, I thought I would have figured out my identity by now.  Instead, it seems cloudier than ever before.

At six, I was the smart girl who got picked first for math board races.
At eleven, I was the slow girl who got picked last for kickball.
At fourteen, I wore my Looney Toons Sweatshirt and black stretch pants to middle school, as did most of my friends.
I thought I would save the world, somehow, someway, when I was sixteen going on seventeen.
As a freshmen in college I thought of myself as the girl who STILL hadn't been kissed.
When I was twenty-two, I felt brave and adventurous, moving across the country to a new place, a new job, all by myself.
I got married at just barely twenty-four, to the "man from the internet."
Throughout my twenties I was a teacher.
And now I am mommy.

But what else am I?

On one hand I am terrified of labels, but on the other hand I feel like I can't avoid them - Not too conservative, but definitely not liberal. Multidenominational, though currently landing somewhere in pentecostalism.  An egalitarian who from the outside appears to live the complementarian lifestyle. Semi-feminist who is tired of all the angry women out there.

What does all of this even mean?

It means it doesn't really matter what I am labeled. Many of them will come and go with seasons and phases. But who I am at the core - I hope I am kind and strong, patient and loyal, resilient and compassionate. That's who I want to be.

(Took about two extra minutes this week - hope that is okay!)

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

eucharisteo - thanksgiving always precedes the miracle

This morning I prayed in the boys' room that Bugaboo would crawl today. I pray that on a fairly regular basis. Bubby sometimes echoes a prayer, "Help Bugaboo crawl." Instead this morning Bubby prayed, "Thank You for Bugaboo crawling. Jesus' name. Amen!" Later today, I remember what Ann Voskamp wrote about, "Thanksgiving always precedes the miracle." Eucharisteo.

About an hour later I had Bugaboo in the bathroom with me, and motivated by the crinkly plastic wrapper on the toilet paper package, Bugaboo did a little bit of crawling. Of course, I needed to see him do this again in a location suitable for filming. After moving him into the boys' room, The Hubs and I putting various toys and paper just out of reach. Time and time again, Bugaboo crawled short distances to them

Here is just a fifteen second clip of one of our exciting moments.

After months of physical therapy and A LOT of people praying, we are very excited and thankful.  Thankful for the prayers so many have prayed for us and with us, for friends who have laid hands on our little boy, for a community who asks about him on a regular basis, for a pastor who annointed him with oil, for those who have offered insight and advice. Milestones are always a big deal to parents, but I tend to think that those of us who have to wait for our milestone may appreciate them in a different way.

Most of us are waiting for something.  We are still waiting for other milestones with Bugaboo, but now with a little more hope than a few weeks ago. Some of you are waiting for that plus sign on a purple and white stick, for that job offer, for that book deal, for that person who is going to come along and want to do life with you as long as you both shall live. Waiting is hard. I pray if you are waiting you get your glimmer of hope soon. And I pray I remember these glimmer of hope moments in the waiting that still lies ahead.

linking up with imperfect prose and sharing our happy news with an online community that has been praying for us

Sunday, May 6, 2012

oh glorious weekend (MM 1013 - 1020)

Remember how overwhelmed I sounded Friday?
Sometimes blogging overwhelms me, too. I don't always know what to share, how to share it, and if what I am writing even has a point. But right now I don't want to care about my style or my content because I am overwhelmed by the goodness of this weekend.
The simplicity of sharing a late dinner with three friends and then sitting poolside talking much too loudly. Fun.
The toddler foot in my face at 6 AM on a Saturday... which provided the excuse to purchase quality coffee. Recharge.
The lawn freshly mowed by The Hubs without complaint, as usual. Blessed.
The baby being so close to crawling. So incredibly close. And his smiles lately. There are some lightbulb moments that keep giving us hope and encouragement. Thankful.
The ease of a Sunday morning of choosing to just go to 10:30 service this week. Sabbath.
The way the music made me want to dance if there had been room in the crowded row and if I was the sort of person who felt comfortable dancing. Joy.
The shade and the sunshine on a blanket at the park eating lunch with some really great people. More Sabbath.
The chasing of the toddler to the swings and to the really tall slide. Going down the slide after him, as he clapped and cheered me on from the bottom. Delightful.

and the practice of counting the gifts continues, even past one thousand...

Friday, May 4, 2012

five minute friday - real

True confession - I ate two ice cream bars in a very short amount of time during naptime. The naptime in which Bubby did not nap. At all. It was either eat the ice cream bars or beat my child.
I kid.
I have never beaten my child.
We do the 1-2-3 Magic method, so it is rare that he gets a spanking. As in Bubby has probably had as many spankings in his life as I had in one week growing up. Speaking of 1-2-3 Magic, I just had Bubby go to the naughty rug.
I really don't know what I am trying to write here.
Fridays are long days here because The Hubs works late on Thursday and long on Fridays.
But guess what? At 7:30 I get to hang out with two other ladies for dinner. Hallelujah. And tomorrow afternoon I get a haircut. I just have to hang on three more hours.
Three little more hours. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.
Just keepin' it real today.

my first born, deciding to wear swim trunks and winter gloves

Thursday, May 3, 2012

one beautiful thing (week one)

my sweet boys playing, playing, playing
Today was full. The boys and I met two other moms and their kids at the zoo this morning. I  thought all of the fresh air and sunshine would have meant a long and wonderful naptime this afternoon.  Bugaboo napped, but not as long as usual, and Bubby, my sporadic napper, of course did not sleep a wink.  The rest of the afternoon and evening the three of us played (since The Hubs works late on Thursdays). We played with toys in their room and with boxes and markers and laundry baskets and in the bathtub. Eight fifteen arrived a little later than it seems it should have.  Right now I am happy, exhausted but happy, with both of my boys asleep and sounding a bit like Darth Vader.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

some Tuesdays

Some Tuesdays you fold the laundry, only to have someone else help you unfold it. But when the culprit has spent time earlier this spring working on his "reaching in" skill in therapy, you don't mind quite so much. 
Some Tuesdays are spent teaching toddlers the art of wearing a dishtowel like a cape. The superhero then spends some time admiring himself in the mirror.
Some Tuesdays are spent fingerpainting with two children under the age of three just moments after lunch clean-up. Mother of the Year Award? Yes, I do believe so.

Some Tuesdays your two year old will play in the backyard, accessorized with the cape from earlier, a dinosaur backpack, and a watering can.  You will want to run inside to grab the good camera, but you know he will stop playing if you do. Instead  you take a quick picture on your pre-instagram-capable cell phone.

Then you watch every moment as he stomps and flits and scurries from one activity to the next. Amidst the chores that did and didn't get done, you enjoy these everyday moments on the first Tuesday of May.