joining Amber and others this month for The Marriage Letters
Trust is such a hard word for me. Over the last seven years, you have taken on every piece of baggage labeled "trust issues" that I brought with me into our relationship. You have taken some gently. Other pieces you have had to pry from my death grip. I hang on so tightly to my trust issues so that at least if my worst fears come true I can shout from the rooftops - "See! I knew this would happen!" To trust is to release control or rather the illusion of control. The idea of complete release terrifies me.
It is not fair to you. You have never abandoned me. You have never broken promises. You have never set out to deceive me. Yet I still hold off trusting you completely because of what other men have done to my heart before my heart even had a chance to know you. I hate that I do this.
So I remind myself of why and how and when I trust you. I trust you because you have never abandoned me. Even in my ugliest moments, even in our hardest times, you do not leave. I trust you because you are kind. I trust you because you stand your ground and you do not take crap from people, even when that means not taking it from me. I trust you because I know you would give your life to protect the boys and me. I trust you because you tell me that I am pretty, but you also tell me when I should get some color on my legs before wearing a dress. :) I trust you because you are doing everything within your means to help me fulfill my desire to stay at home, even though you could go either way on the issue. I trust you because you apologize when you screw up AND you accept my apologies when it's my fault. I trust you because at the end of the day I have never felt more secure than I do when I put my head next to yours, crowding you on your pillow. I trust you because you did not smash cake in my face at our wedding.