Thursday, February 16, 2012

contentment sneaks up on ya

Contentment was as elusive as the sudsy bar of soap slipping out of my hand.

For so long I feel like I've prayed, "I just want to be content. I just need to be content. Help me be content. What is Your will for my life?"

I was striving for it. Working for it. Making a twenty-step plan towards it.  And yet, it always seemed out of reach.

The other night I was emptying the dishwasher that only took twenty-four hours to fill. I had spent the day feeding kids, prepping and cleaning up meals and playing and changing diapers and starting a load of laundry.  And it was in the mundane tasks that I had a thought that I've had before, I have a piece of paper that says I could be in charge of a school. Not a classroom. An ENTIRE school.  And yet I am here with the strained carrots and the poopy diapers and the endless crumbs and dust bunnies.

But as I thought this I noticed the tone in my head was not as negative as before.  In fact my thoughts continued rather joyfully.

I could be doing a lot of other things, but I am doing what I love.  Sure the laundry and the dishes aren't my favorite things, but I spend all day with my kids. And I'm good at it.  There really should be a doctoral program for motherhood because I could rock that dissertation.

Not only am I mommy-ing, God is opening up some doors for me to share life with other people, to learn from them and hopefully for me to invest in them as well.  This wouldn't be happening if I had chosen a different path.  This path isn't for everybody, but it is definitely for me for this season and hopefully beyond.

Thank You, God, for knowing me so well and making a way for me to do what I have always wanted to do.
And with that I realized that contentment had been sneaking up on me for quite some time.

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