The weather was absolutely gorgeous today, and we took the boys to the park. While The Hubs and I took turns holding the baby and chasing our toddler around the playground, pushing swings, and holding our breath when our blondie would get too close to an edge high off the ground, I watched a dad with two boys, approximately six and nine, play improvised kickball and chase his sons around the equipment. I know I will go to bed one night and wake up the next morning to find my boys big enough for games and too big for holding hands and being caught at the bottom of a slide.
And this is why I think the ache for time to slow is more profound these days.
With each proud moment, each milestone and accomplishment, I feel a little piece of my heart being ripped and pulled in two directions - desiring my boys to grow into independent, amazing men and yet wanting to keep them close and safe and little forever.
On the way home, Bubby sings a mixture of songs in the car - a combo of Jesus Loves Me ABC Twinkle Twinkle Wheels on The Bus The Bible Tells Me So - and I want it to stay that way, the sacred and secular completely and blessedly tangled in his life.
We read his children's Bible, and I read of Jesus coming back, and my two year old says,
"Jesus comin' to our house tomorrow."
"Maybe. He could. We never know."'
"Jesus gonna gimme a hug."
"He would love to give you a hug."
"Jesus sing and play."
"Yes, when you see Jesus He will want to play with you."
And with this I long for time to slow and I long for it to speed up,
to go where we are intended to be,
to have the faith a toddler has,
to believe without any doubt that not only could Jesus show up at any moment,
but to also believe that He wants to hug us.
To just be with us.
And He is. Emmanuel. God with us.
joining with Ann's community to keep giving thanks:
873. Saturday working intensely and happily with Bugaboo on all of his skills
874. the joy of pots and pans for Bubby
875. mid November and sixty-plus degrees
876. playing Bunko with a dozen ladies on a Friday evening
877. coffee with a new friend, just a phase or so ahead of me
878. conversations with new friends, just a phase or so behind me
879. husband who never complains about watching the kids so I can get a break
880. gluten-free pizza
881. navigating this gluten-free world with recipes and advice from California aunt
882. texts/messages from Quad City sisters wishing I was there
883. baby eating pancakes for the first time
884. being a part of community
885. nursery workers and volunteers who love my babies
886. building Duplos and "Mommy, try again" when my tower falls
887. all FOUR of us sharing a bowl of ice cream
888. remembering one of my favorite people in this upcoming week