- The guilt of not catching that there may or may not be something amiss with Bugaboo's development.
- The guilt of dividing my time between my kids and the kids I baby-sit.
- The guilt of not holding/reading to/fill-in-the-blank Bugaboo/Bubby enough.
- The guilt of being so tired of playing with kids by 4:30 every day the last thing I want to do is ready Bubby another story.
- The guilt of thinking if I went back to work for a "real" job the kids would have nicer things.
- The guilt of thinking if I was able to "just be" a stay-at-home mom the kids would get to do the things we used to do pre-childcare (library time, park visits, coffee runs...okay the last one is just for me).
- The guilt of Bubby handing me a dust bunny and saying, "Daddy vacuums."
- The guilt of not calling/emailing/texting/facebooking/visiting friends and family enough.
It is heavy, all of that guilt. It weighed me down for a good portion of the day. But then I remembered something Beth said last night (paraphrasing here)- If something hinders you from experiencing/knowing/believing Truth, it is bondage.
- The truth is my kids know I love them, and I am doing what is best for our family at this specific season in our lives.
- The truth is Bubby wasn't upset about the dust bunny - he thought it was cool, and only mentioned vacuuming because a) he loves the vacuum and b)I mentioned needing to vacuum first.
- The truth is even before I started baby-sitting, I had feelings of guilt about not being enough for my kids, my husband, my family, my friends.
I am not enough for anyone.
I am not enough for myself.
I am not enough, nor should I be.
And that may be my first step to real freedom from guilt.
(joining last minute with Emily @ imperfectprose)