Thursday, June 30, 2011

the piano

I quit lessons in middle school
though I'd been playing since kindergarten.

It was my main act of teenage rebellion.


I should have kept the lessons
and opted for a tattoo -
hindsight chuckles, "woulda been a win-win"

From time to time I'd still play
in our basement on the second piano

My black and white secret-keepers
taking my abuse,
my love,
my emotions that ran up and down
like scales
both major and minor

Tonight I need to pour out my heart,
my frustration, my tears
on the keys that beckon just inches away
but the babies are snoring,

and there is an A&P exam in the morning
for the one who bought me a used piano for our first married Christmas

So I type away -
click click click delete delete click -
but it's not quite the same.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

what are the MacBoys up to?

The "regular" update post for the grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins

  • Talking a lot - learning new words and phrases every day - first real three word phrase "knock it down!" in reference to his block tower built with The Hubs - yesterday he learned garbage truck (Bubby, not The Hubs, haha) so today he said garbage truck about a bazillion times. pretty stinkin' cute.
  • He has known his shapes for a while now from his shape sorters and puzzles, but now he is pointing shapes out in every day objects.
  • Colors - okay this mama is proud because the Parents As Teachers lady told us colors aren't until three, but he knows them AND in a variety of contexts. He especially likes naming all the colors of cars in the church parking lot. On Wednesday nights. When I am carting him and Bugaboo in his massively heavy carrier and the diaper bag built for two all by my lonesome.  But I'm still proud. The kid knows gray! What two- year old knows gray?
  • Climbing on everything. He still doesn't run or jump (we are working on that for physical therapy goals) but the kid is Spider-Man. His favorite adventure is climbing on the chair to the kitchen table in three seconds flat, standing and clapping and smiling until I come get him and put him on the naughty rug b/c he has been warned.
  • Speaking of the naughty rug... there are days when he pushes every boundary and days when he is still my perfect little angel. Most days are somewhere in-between.
  • Dancing fool - the kid loves music.  We learned while at the mall with Auntie Me that he loves some good pop music and rap.  He danced all through Old Navy without a care in the world until he tried to escape us and was sadly returned to the stroller.
  • Continuing to have his ups-and-downs with bathtime. There's never any rhyme or reason for the nights he screams and cries.
  • Practicing sitting up - he can sit independently for a few seconds, but he leans over quite a bit and then falls.
  • This little guy wants to crawl desperately.  He is already "inch-worm" crawling on the ground.  It often is in an attempt to get to what big brother is doing.
  • Eating baby food like a champ. So far we have not found a food he doesn't like.
  • When he is fussy he is realllllly fussy. It usually means he is tired or hungry. He doesn't fuss for no reason any more (I don't think).
  • When he isn't fussy he is extremely laid back.
  • Wakes up each morning happy - with smiles, giggles, and coos.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

one more reason why I love Alicia Chole

I jot down quotes. I always have - probably since about age nine or ten.  Quotes and baby names with their meanings are things I love to "collect."  I found out that is because one of my top five strengths (actually THE top one) is "input."
This afternoon during my quiet time I was looking through my journal and found this quote I jotted down a couple of months ago.
At this season of life - mommy of two small boys,  I need to remember, "Instead of being praised for completed projects, we are given countless occasions to make peace with the incomplete." Alicia Chole, pg. 53 Intimate Conversations
making peace with:
  • the never ending laundry
  • the ideas on pinterest I can't get to yet
  • phone tag with friends
  • unwritten emails, cards, letters
  • the items I always forget on the shopping list
  • the nagging end of the day question, "What did I do today?"

top ten things I miss about teaching

Yes, I know yesterday I wrote all about my love of staying home, AND I do love it. Every word I wrote was sincere.  But then last night I was able to hang out for a little bit with many of my old fourth grade teaching buddies, and it made me miss my former life.
Top Ten {Tuesday}
The Top Ten Things I Miss About My Teaching Days:
1. school supplies - seriously I am addicted to spiral notebooks, 1 inch binders, and pocket folders. Keep me away from Target and Staples July-September.
2. lesson planning - sick, I know, but I love curriculum - longterm planning on calendars, researching ideas, tweaking things to make them "my own"
3. keeping up on quality children's literature - I love the picture books I read to the boys, but I miss reading some Mark Twain Nominees, and I was one of those who liked the Sarah, Plain and Tall unit.
4. lunch break - prekids I thought teachers got the short end of the stick when it came to lunch (and they do), but at least most days I ate lunch with some adult conversation and with only myself to feed
5. adult conversation - before school, lunch, recess, and after school there were opportunities to interact with those who remember a pre-Elmo Sesame Street
6. pranks and inside jokes - basically I miss the rubber rat that would randomly appear in copy machines, minifridges, and desk drawers
7. lightbulb moments
8. making a difference in the lives of kids - some of whom came from some pretty rough situations
9. a feeling of clear accomplishment - at home few things ever seem "done," but at school there were clear ends to tasks, units, quarters, etc.
10. a paycheck

Monday, June 27, 2011


They grow much too fast for this mommy's heart.
Bubby is learning and doing and saying new things everyday.  Something new will surface, and The Hubs and I will look at each other and say, "When did he learn that?"  I can't imagine not being here all the time to see each of his lightbulb moments.
I have encountered some rudeness regarding my decision to stay-home, and it takes everything within me to remain tactful and graceful during those times. It is easy and human nature to want to complain, and regardless of what type of mom you are, the grass is often greener on the other side. So today I am going to count the green blades of grass instead of the weeds on my side of the fence instead of throwing rocks into or attempting to steal flowers from someone else's yard.

Joining with Ann's group and giving thanks for all that is green and good and growing inside my own boundaries:
685. filthy hands and feet and faces from outside morning playtime
685. toddler sorting sidewalk chalk instead of drawing with it
686. baby waking me up at 7 (or sometimes 6) with giggles and coos
687. the ease and benefits of breastfeeding
688. learning to ask for help
689. learning to do some things on my own
690. home cooked meals instead of take-out
691. seeing that somehow the bills still get paid
692. snuggle time on the couch throughout the day
693. piles of blocks and books and puzzles
694. singing even on the shortest of car rides
695. time to find activities to do with my kids
696. beginning to grasp the value of time over money - the big picture over the here-and-now
697. new dress from my mom just to make my day
698. brand new insight into why I feel so strongly about why I stay home - one of my top 5 strengths is Belief
699. knowing that ninety percent of the time when The Hubs asks, "Where did he learn that?" we both realize it was from me
700. the resolve to endure enjoy two more years of frugal sacrificial living

(Side note: Some of my favorite people are moms who work outside of the home, but these favorite people of mine have never uttered, "Must be nice to stay home," because they realize each of us have made choices for ourselves that we deem best for our unique personalities and families.)

Friday, June 24, 2011

Bubby's first baseball game

Late this afternoon Me (aka Auntie Missa) and Chow (aka Uncle Fman) gave me a call.  They were going to a minor league baseball game with Chow's work, and wanted to know if Bubby wanted to go with.  Yes he did (I decided for him).  Both Bubby and Bugaboo boycotted naps for the second day in a row, and The Hubs was counseling an hour away on tonight into much of the evening. 
They swung by, I packed up a bag, Chow loaded up the carseat, and Me got Bubby dressed in a red shirt (sadly his baseball shirts were all in the dirty clothes pile).
And my baby was off to dinner and a baseball game with his auntie and uncle.

I had just a few moments of panic - not at all about Chow and Me taking care of him because they are awesome and aware - but that Bubby was going to a crowded place to do a "big kid" thing without Mommy and Daddy. Big step for Mommy.
But Mommy survived.  My dear Bugaboo napped for an additional fifteen minutes this evening. (sigh) And Bubby was well behaved and had a good time.

He is definitely not a baby any more.

Thursday, June 23, 2011


I think each of us would admit we've had some bumps in our relationship.  Two females with what some would deem "strong" personalities.  I prefer the word passionate. I'm not sure what she would prefer.
We each grew up with younger brothers - brothers are not sisters.  But then she married my brother.  And we each were given a sister-of-sorts in each other.
They moved here, to this town, and I think we were all a little apprehensive about how it would all work out.  And like I said, there were some bumps along the way.  But I'd like to believe there were more laughs than tears.
Now they are moving back to our home state, my hometown. And we are staying here in my home of a decade, the blackhole such that it is.
She has taught me much about sisterhood.
Sisters stick by each other even when it seems easier not to.
Sisters talk openly.
Sisters go for walks, eat ice cream, exchange books, watch movies, vent frustrations, and beat the guys at cards.
Sisters quote Gilmore Girls and make Friends references (though my references probably were only from the first four or five seasons).
Sisters go running together a couple of times.  Well, she runs.  I ran for about thirty seconds and never again. She keeps running and I am inspired to maybe give it a-go someday. :)
Sisters tell you the $60 shirt is cute (even though you know you'll never buy it), and sisters bring new Old Navy Flip flops when they comes to baby-sit your sons.
Sisters do your laundry, dogsit, cook dinner and clean your house when you are in the hospital. .
Sisters coordinate Thanksgiving while you are on bedrest.
Sisters see each other through a really crappy summer - and are amazed a few years later how things worked out for each of them.
Sisters keep you up-to-date on the goings-on of your former workplace.
Sisters cry with you when your grandpa dies, when your babies stay in the NICU, and when your family dynamics change.
Sisters extends grace even though there are times you know you have hurt her.
Hopefully you teach each other about sisterhood- the good, the bad, and the beautiful.
And even though I have said I wasn't going to talk about it, I find yourself typing away about her and knowing next week will be a tough one.  Because my sister is moving back home.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

oh Bubby

There should be a picture of my boys in the cute plaid shorts outfits that Babu sent. (Not matchy-matchy to each other in case you are worried)   This is sad because if there was an American Eagle for kids (is there??) my two handsome lads would have looked like they just stepped (or crawled) out of their catalog today.  They were that stinkin' cute.  But I didn't have a chance to grab my camera other than the one on my phone. Why is that?

Today I took SirCrankyPants (the artist formerly known as Bubby) to the doctor. He has a double ear infection. 
He tripped on the way out of the doctor's office and scraped up the knee he tore up at church on Sunday.
a glimpse of the supercute shorts and the ouchied knee

He climbed up on the kitchen table three different times today - each time clapping and grinning - so proud of himself.
While I was cooking dinner, he put his hand on/in the skillet faster than humanly possible.  I was RIGHT there.  And although I got his hand out very quickly, there is still a slight burn mark on his palm.  He would not let me take a picture of it.
He landed himself on the naughty rug twice today. Today he was not feeling very spiritual, unlike yesterday when he gave a hearty, "Amen!" at the end of his time there.
evidence of Bubby trying to make his escape from the naughty rug
I am sure mommies of girls have their share of worries. If I had a daughter I would worry about the hoochie-mama preschool clothes being marketed at Target and the fact that she wold probably inherit my lack of coordination and never be an Olympic figure skater.  But I am a mama of two boys and my new worry is how am I going to keep The Boys out of the e.r. for the next eighteen years?

top ten bloggers with whom I'd like to have coffee

This morning on facebook a friend asked how I find the blogs I read - mainly through sggestions of other people on their blogs and through blog link-ups Some of my bloggy friends I know in real life - as in I knew them pre-blog-days. Over the last few months there are some blogs I love to read because they are funny and real and sarcastic and sincere and make me cry and make me snort and make me think, "I would love to hang out with this chica in real life."  In no particular order, here's some of the ladies I'd love to grab coffee with from blog land.
1.  Ann  - I loved her blog before I read her book, but after reading One Thousand Gifts I loved her even more. She challenges me to have a more thankful heart.
2. Emily W - An artist on canvas and with her words - her imperfect prose Thursday link-ups are a highlight of my week.
3. JoAnn - The first time I read her blog I think it was about her son in physical therapy - which my son was just beginning. She is now the mama of three little boys and she writes with humor and sincerity - I feel I can learn a lot from her.
4. Shannan - I don't remember how I stumbled upon this blog, but I am so glad I did.  She makes me laugh and cry, and when she writes about her "claws" I always smile because I have "freakishly long fingers and toes."
5. Be A Good Mom- I have been in the same place with this chica a few times (sad that it has just been a few), but I  have gotten to know her so much better through her blog. She always keeps it real which is refreshing in this world of phoniness. She often posts great ideas of things to bake, make and try, and her love of Bon Jovi and Kid Rock make me smile.  I wish I lived near by so we could hang out.
6. Danavee - I worked with this gal for three years, but once again, she is someone I have gotten to know much better in the blogworld.  Someday when I am rich, I am going to hire her to decorate my house.  Everything I see on her blog I think, "How did she think to put that together? That looks ah-maz-ing."  Her stories of her adventures in and out of the classroom also crack me up.
7. Missy - The title of her blog says it all. "It's Almost Naptime." I found her via someone posting a link on facebook.  She has a heart for adoption and family, and I have found myself spewing a beverage out of my nose when I have read some of her stories - especially her stories of falling in love/  engagement.
8. Kristi - I have had coffee with her. :) A true friend in every sense of the word.  My "NICU mentor."  We occasionally get together outside of the church nursery when all four of our boys allow us to do so.  She doesn't write often (she has two and a half year old twins), but when she does it is powerful.  God has done and is doing incredible things in their family.  Don't believe in miracles? Read their story and you will change your mind.
9. Manda - She took a break from blogging for awhile, but is back now.  I think each of her entries could be published into a devotional book.  A very excellent and much needed devotional book.
10. Emily F - She used to do a Tuesdays Unwrapped that I started linking up with. She also did a fabulous month of blogging on grace (I need to reread those posts).  I can't wait to read her book!

Top Ten {Tuesday}

Sunday, June 19, 2011

some thoughts on father's day

This post isn't to reopen old wounds or making anyone feel bad, but this blog is about my life, and therefore today it features some pain and truth and healing and so much more.

Hemming and hawing, I looked at Father's Day cards this week with many emotions. This is the second year I haven't had to purchase one for Papa.  Father's Day 2008  we announced our first pregnancy to him in a great-grandpa card. He showed it to all of his friends at his Saturday morning breakfast crew and at church as well.  He was so proud.
I can't help thinking about Father's Day without thinking about our first baby - the one we lost just a few weeks later.  The miscarriage that devastated me, yet I believe started the process for healing in our family. I remember being at the hospital with both of my parents because I was in Illinois, and I was bleeding so much my mom had called my dad to come help take me to the hospital.  I remember holding my dad's hand, feeling so unbelievably sad and scared and yet comforted at the same time. It was the first time I had felt close to my father in a very long time.

Father's Day 2009 Bubby was in the NICU and Papa was in poor health. Bubby sent him a card, and Papa wanted it framed. And it is. With the picture of the two of them (taken later that year) next to it - Papa and his namesake.
And last year we again told people of a pregnancy on Father's Day - which is our sweet Bugaboo. Only Papa wasn't around to tell.
And this year Bugaboo is here with Papa's smile, and I miss my grandpa a lot on Father's Day.

This day causes me such frustration because the cards are never right for me to send my dad.  No card expresses how I feel because they are either generic or untrue for my situation.  I don't say this out of anger - just honesty.  We have had a lot of healing and reconciliation, yet time does not heal all wounds, at least not as quickly as we would hope. And what do you say in our situation of better-late-than-never-but-why-didn't-things-turn-out-better-earlier? I see the effort he is making, I am making, everyone is making to make things better for my boys, and my heart is filled with thankfulness, but sadness too. Because it never feels like quite enough, and today I realized it never will.

"for all of the healing there are some needs which no earthly person can fill. some cracks which no clay will fix, ..." Emily W wrote this today.  I cried when I read it because she expressed what I have been feeling for so long now.
I cried in church today when someone shared about his father leaving their family when he was young and how he wrestled with why God let that happen.  I saw someone else across the room shed some tears too, and I wondered if she was part of the club as well.
For quite a while we all discussed Jesus not healing Lazarus in order for God to get the glory and for His followers to gain more faith and what that scenario looked like in our lives. Words here don't do the discussion justice. It was powerful to me. Lives spilling out from others' voices became a balm to wounds that were open today - not just with my normal Father's Day funk, but with the questions on the fairness of life in general with which I have been wrestling a lot lately.

Later today I called the "like a dad to me" man from my teen years - I hadn't called him in so long - and I felt guilty I hadn't been "like a daughter to him" recently because my own life had consumed me. But we chatted and I got choked up as we hung up saying, "Love ya, man!" like we always do. I cry now thinking of how he has been such a positive person in my life all of these years.

And yesterday I saw the man to whom I have said "forever"  push a double stroller in the hot sun, hold a toddler up to see elephants and giraffes and feed an infant pureed peas while eating his own Father's Day dinner. Frustrate me as he might from time to time, the one thing I know almost more than anything is my husband will always be there for our children, and that brings me great comfort.

Through all of these things - memories, words, conversations, lessons, scenes captured from behind a lense, Abba God gave me a Father's Day gift - the reminder that He sees my tears, my frustrations, my hopes, my hurts, my dreams, and He places people and Himself in my life to walk alongside me because He is good and He loves me.

Thanking the Ultimate Father for
  • fathers in all seasons of my life - I have never been without a male role model
  • the continued process of healing and reconciliation, even when it is hard and painful
  • transparency from friends and acquaintances and the encouragement it brings
  • in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, in richer and in poorer (I'm ready for the richer part, haha) committment from the father of my children
  • the promise that my faith will grow if I give God the chance to grow it
  • love that is lavished on me simply because I am His daughter - no works needed - just accepting the fact that I am His - how beautiful is that?
joining with Ann to share gifts 679-684

Friday, June 17, 2011

five minute friday - "home"

If you don't know the "rules," check it out here:

This week's topic is "home."
The couch where Penny chewed a cushion, the bathroom cabinet scratches a reminder of our beloved Ebby. The first and only place we have ever owned. Never enough storage space. No hall closet and a one car garage. Quiet neighbors with polite kids to the south, noisy neighbors with unruly kids and unruly gargabr to the northeast.  A great privacy-fenced backyard for my boys to play in, which is an unbelievable asset in this neighborhood.  I get frustrated with our location on a regular basis. I want more yet I want less.  But this is home.
The only home my babies have known.  Memories fill the modest rooms, tears, laughter, yelling, silence.  All this is home, but all of this is not home either.  Someday I will be welcomed home.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

have I mentioned ...

... Bugaboo is sleeping in his crib in his shared room? He sleeps great in there except the last couple of days around 5 AM he wakes up with his foot stuck in the bars.  So then I feed him and he snuggles in back to sleep next to me. Bugaboo has been such a great sleeper that we didn't have to co-sleep like we ended up doing with Bubby, so the little bit of co-sleep time the last couple of mornings has not been bad at all.  Bubby hasn't seemed to notice that he has a roommate.

... I should earn Mommy of the Year points because my just-turned-two-year old got to fingerpaint today?  At the kitchen table. With Bugaboo awake, not napping.  While The Hubs was in class. And I took pictures.

... I should not earn Daughter/Daughter-in-law of the Year awards since Father's Day cards, though purchased on Tuesday, will be late due to a stamp/cards/thank you cards from Bubby's birthday all in different vehicles? Yes, the thank you notes have been ready for a week. I have a million excuses - but mainly because I have two kiddos I didn't want to drag into the post office for stamps.

--- I use fragments almost as much as run-ons in my blogging? Kinda funny for someone who once considered herself a grammar snob. Kinda.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

midnight, milestones, and muffins

The Hubs and I stayed up till midnight talking last night. Serious stuff.  Serious, difficult, but not arguing/fighting. I think it was one of the best talks we have had in weeks, maybe months. I remember when we were "dating," and we would chat for hours till somebody's midnight (he was in England and I was in Arizona). When you get married, there is less chatting than during courtship.
us almost six years ago - I miss that shirt and that comfy couch.

When  you have two babies in two years and your husband is working and going to school you forget what a long conversation is.  It is a gift. I feel like a better person because I listened and was heard. Quality time is my love language, don't ya know, followed closely by words of affirmation.

In other news, Bugaboo has been trying for weeks to roll from back to front, and tonight as we were getting the boys ready for bed, he made it all the way over for the whole fam to witness.  Second children don't seem to get as much fanfare as firstborns, even as hard as mommy tries, so I was pretty pleased that this milestone happened for an audience of three.

Today I made strawberry cream cheese muffins. I just had one. Okay, it was two. And I may have another when I'm through here.  They were pretty tasty, but the batter was heavenly when I had a spoonful (or two or three) from the bowl this afternoon.
Like this camera phone shot of the muffins on my messy counter? Just keepin' it real. :)

I love muffins - the cupcake of breakfast.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

top ten reasons I should conquer my fear of the sewing machine

top ten reasons I should conquer my fear of the sewing machine:
1. I received it as a Christmas gift the year I was pregnant with Bubby - and project numero uno is still half done. I think I should finish it. (a super cute apron, by the way)
2. I DID earn an A in "life skills" (aka home ec.) in middle school for such meaningful sewing projects as the fluffy football and the locker organizer.
3. Every woman I know on my mom's side can sew. And my aunt and cousin and cousin-in-law on my dad's side can, too.
4. My mom and my great-grandma both can make beautiful quilts BY HAND (as in not using a machine) - I can barely sew a button.
5. I would like to do some of these projects. And this.  And more.
6. I have my master's degree.  The state of Missouri has given me a certificate saying I could run an entire school building. Surely a user's manual is easier than an action research project, right?
7. I may secretly want to be Martha Stewart - without the whole prison scandal and reputation for being evil.
8. My house needs some curtains and I could use some summer dresses/skirts.
9. To check something else off my list.
10. So I can stop daydreaming about what I COULD do and actually DO it. :)
Top Ten {Tuesday}

Monday, June 13, 2011

a bit of laziness (MM 668 -678)

Can I be lazy AND grateful at the same time?
You see, I missed a few days of quiet times/writing in my gratitude notebook (which may have in part explained the not-so-terrific-mood I was in on Saturday). And now Multitude Monday is almost over. AND I am too lazy to go to my room to get my simple blue spiral PLUS my sweet baby boy is sleeping on my lap, and I know these days are fleeting... so I will just wing-it. (And I will stop overusing using AND for a bit.)

668. "swimming" in a big pool for the first time with my babies and my sister-in-law

669. Bubby chasing lightening bugs/fireflies

670. two successful nights of Bugaboo in his new room with big brother
671. country music on the radio - don't judge me ;)
672. toddler attempting to talk on the phone to great-grandma
673. pictures on the walls - it only took SIX years to decide what to to do
674. overnight blueberry French toast bake to die for - not soggy at all - yum - a great way to start a Monday
675. some pretty awesome chicken and even-better-the-next-day brocoli casserole - comfort food at its finest
676. steps in the right direction
677. sweet and delicious variety of fruit - another perk of summer
678. s'mores in the microwave
hmmm - most of my list tonight is about food...

Friday, June 10, 2011

five minute friday - "backwards"

joining with the gypsy mama again for five minute Friday - the "teacher" in me loves the five minute free write on a broad topic - check out her blog for details on how to join the fun.  This week's assignment: backwards


I've been known to eat donuts for dinner and leftover mac-n-cheese for breakfast (wouldn't you agree that mac-n-cheese is always better on day 2?), so doing things backwards SHOULD come more naturally to me.
I had a plan. College. Marriage. Career. Babies. Success...errr the easy-white-picket-fence-life.

But somewhere the plans got jumbled. College. Career. Marriage. Grad school. Career. Babies... still missing that picket fence.  I did things according to how the world says I should, but somehow it seems like in some ways I have taken steps backwards - at least in terms of finances and how-to-live-the-good-life.  Medical bills will do that with two NICU babies. Failed plans will do that, too. And closed doors.
But maybe my idea of the good life was backwards, too.


Maybe the here and now craziness making-ends-meet-kind-of-trust is the good-life, too.

(had to finish my thought after the timer :) )

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

some thoughts on beauty

At a stoplight tonight
I started attempting to throw on some make-up
while some of my hair above my left ear was waving
as if it was the Queen of England or in a homecoming parade

"what's the point?"
I said aloud to nobody except my babies in the backseat
but despair was surprisingly absent from my voice

for if I can't go to church with my blemishes
and my Bert-and-Ernie brows
where can I go with them?

so I went in without giving mascara another thought
and for once
I did not compare myself to any other woman
I realized after the fact

being comfortable for a change
just the way I am

that is a beautiful gift

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

six months of Bugaboo (& 6 mo/2 yr stats)

I know every mommy probably says this as they watch their child(ren) grow, BUT I cannot believe my baby is six months old.

Wasn't I just walking the halls (six weeks early) knowing that Bugaboo was going to arrive that day?

 Today Bubby was eating a graham cracker at the kitchen table and dramatically wiping the crumbs into the crack in the table (joy joy), and Bugaboo thought it was hilarious.  (Bugaboo already thinks his big brother is awesome.) I wanted to grab the video camera, but since he was seated on my lap I figured that would probably ruin the moment.  Each day I find myself trying to remember the smiles, the events, the milestones of the day - wishing I had a camera crew in my house - not to exploit my kids on a reality tv show - but to document all of the ordinary moments that go by much too quickly.
Slow down, boys.  The rough patches with two two-and-under are exhausting, but the rest of the minutes/hours/days are precious.  Sloooowwww down and stay a baby and a toddler for as long as possible.

Update on stats
The boys had their 2 yr and 6 mo appointments today. My NICU grads took their shots and blood work like champs, especially Bubby. :) Bugaboo is 16lbs 2oz (10-25 percentile) 24.5 in (less than 5th percentile). Bubby is 25lbs 4oz(10-25 percentile) 34.5 in. (50th percentile).

Monday, June 6, 2011

MM 651-667

The baby is napping in our bed, the toddler still asleep in his crib - one or both of them will be up soon- hopefully well-rested and happier than they were this morning - but right now I am enjoying the soft music wandering from Bubby's room into the living room, the hum of the house, the breeze from the fan, the click of the keys.

651. playing outside with my boys
652. purple, yellow, and pink flowers The Hubs planted
653. dirt on little hands and feet and faces
654. boys' bookshelf filled with pages
655. finding even more ways to cut costs
656. generosity of those helping with our medical bills - a check arriving that covers this month's payment - a
reminder of how God provides and how He uses people to bless
657. Bugaboo waking up with coos and laughter
658. The Hubs pulling Bubby in the wagon
659. kiddie pool blown up and filled
660. Mother's Day gift used - an hour of quiet that resulted in pretty toes
661. free coffee
662. conversations on connecting
663 insight
664. forgiveness
665. blackberries and vanilla ice cream - - - and the childhood memories it brings
666. powerful Sunday morning
667. a friend offering to loan us a crib

Friday, June 3, 2011

five minute friday - "everyday"

Everyday is a challenge, a battle to be thankful, patient, kind. Somedays I win the battle with my hands tied behind my back, and other days I crash onto my pillow and think "what is the use?"

But I am learning that everyday is a gift, and as I keep that in mind it is easier to win the battles, to take every thought captive.  Complaining is easy.  I could probably do it in my sleep. Gratitude? Joy? Appreication? That is a choice.  But like any habit, it gets easier the more I practice it.

I want my sons to grow up in a home that recognizes the blessings of everyday, but how can I impart those lessons unless I am learning them myself?  So I will be thankful for the dishwasher to load or unload, the laundry that never ends, the meals that need to be cooked, the books to be read, the noses to wipe, the Play-doh to "decrust" off of every imaginable surface, the songs about frogs and trucks and Jesus and monkeys.  Everyday. Every day.

(This is my first time joining the gypsy mama for 5 minute Friday - click the button for how it works.)

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

impromptu discussions

A dozen or so women of various phases and ages and stations sat around
having a seemingly slightly off topic from the subject from the Bible study video.
But it was the topic on all of our hearts.

We all long for the same things
- to help and to be helped -
to come along side
and to have someone come alongside us on this journey.

It seems we all, 
are unsure of what the next steps will look like,
but we will take them, even if we are unsteady.

And I am encouraged.