Wednesday, January 5, 2011

my non-resolution resolution

January. New Year's. The Hubs' birthday. My birthday. Our anniversary. Yes, it is a full month.  And sometimes it feels like a very long month after holiday-madness subsides.
But this year we didn't have too much holiday madness.  Other madness, yes, but the actual days of celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas - easy-going and fairly low-key.  So January does not feel as much like a hangover this year.  (Or what I imagine a hangover must feel like since I have never had one.)
On a seemingly unrelated note...
I had a very vivid dream last night that when I woke up I wondered if it actually happened.  A face-to-face confrontation with someone I highly doubt would ever want to deal with things face to face.  And this person was very rude to me in my dream. And I found myself waking up angry and hurt and frustrated and sad - parallel emotions to what I am feeling in real life regarding this person/situation.  And I wanted to go back to sleep and verbally and physically shake this person until she would change, but one can rarely get back to the dream from which they awoke.
And I realize now it is a new year.  A time to move on.  It does not mean being okay with what has happened, but it does mean not dwelling on it unless a situation calls for it to be dealt with/discussed again.  I cannot change people, try as I might, but I also get to choose who I associate with, who I trust, who I allow into my life.
I have no resolutions for the new year.  Too many leftover holiday treats in the cabinets for me to even attempt healthy eating this month.  And I can say that I am going to do such-and-such, but when it doesn't work out or if I fail, the perfectionist in me will get frustrated and either a)beat myself up over it, b)give up or c)all of the above.
So I am just going to enjoy January. And eat another piece of chocolate

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