Tuesday, January 11, 2011

hi-ho-hi-ho

This blog isn't always sunshine and lollipops. I wish I could blog like that. No, I take that back.  I don't want to blog like that, but I wouldn't mind if my life were all sunshine and lollipops so that the only thing I COULD blog about was such things.
But it was a rough day here at our house.  And through the course of arguing many topics came up.  One being that it is time for me to start looking for a job.
Let me restate.  It is time for me to start looking for a job that pays the bills.
I love my current job. LOVE it.
But it doesn't pay the bills.
And our Dave Ramsey budgeted nest egg of 3-6 month salary fund is almost depleted because we had two NICU babies (one of whom has yet to have his bills start coming in), I stopped teaching, The Hubs changed jobs and that hasn't panned out as well as we had hoped.  Yep that pretty much explains it.
No fancy trips. No fancy purchases. No debt other than mortgage, small student loan, and medical bills. We don't even have cable.  Our big splurge is a fru-fru coffee now and then and Sonic Happy Hour half-priced sodas.  But I have learned that I can't keep doing what I am doing. 
And honestly, friends, I am devastated. 
Last year I wasn't thrilled about going back to work, but I was willing until I knew in my gut that I wasn't supposed to.  Right now I don't even feel like being willing to go back to work. And it isn't about the work, the teaching, the co-workers, the students, the crazy-parents (okay, maybe that is a little of it, haha), it is just the fact that I LOVE being home with my kids. I am not a great homemaker - I do so-so at keeping up with the chores, my cooking has definitely improved but I'm no Martha Stewart - but I am good at mommy-ing.  Darn good.  And it is what I want to do with my life.  But it looks like I am going to have to stop, at least for awhile, and put on my big girl panties and suck it up.
But right now I just want to pout and cry a little. Okay, a lot.  The ugly cry. 
So please pardon this pity-party - I will bounce back - I will - but if you are the praying type, say one for me today.
And if you are the generous millionaire type, send me a blank check. :)
(It can't be that bad... I  still have my sense of humor.)

5 comments:

  1. i have tears on your behalf. i'm praying for you, mostly for peace and comfort but also for divine intervention.

    p.s this is a weird question, but do you have a blog name? typically i pray for you as wandering on purpose, but that gets to be a bit of a mouthful and WoP just doesn't quite sound right...:) *hugs*

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  2. Oh, honey. Tears here for you as well. Praying fervently that GOD WILL MAKE A WAY for you to stay home with your children.

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  3. You have every right to be upset. "Putting on your big girl panties"...well, simply put, SUCKS! I am praying for you and hope that you will find some type of peace in this transition. I know that I have really, no REALLY, struggled with going back to work. But, when I'm down, I remind myself of the reason for all that hard work. Crying for you, with you, and just a little for me too. Love you!

    Cousin Michelle

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  4. Your cousin Michelle said it well. I know those tears more than you know. I had nine months home with my Sammy, and each day is another battle as I leave him to go to work...it is a battle for every "working" mom. I know your pain, your fears, and your anxiety. Being a mom is my best job too :) But keep in mind that going to work doesn't make you any less of a mom. Praying for you, my friend!

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  5. Sorry I am reading this so late. I tend to save up my blog reading and do lots of posts at once. But I wanted to step in and offer some words of encouragement too.

    Everything will settle down and you will come to a happy place with what needs to be done. I know its no fun to feel like your choices are being made for you. But I can tell you from experience that the 50% working Mom / 50% stay at home Mom is really the best deal out there.

    You really do get the best of both worlds and its very sustainable. I've been doing it for almost 8 years and I am trying to squeak out at least another 3. I get to work in a corporate job 2 days a week, talk to grown ups, crunch numbers, write reports, put millions of dollars of company money on the line and bring home a nice check. And the other days, I get to supervise mid-day bubble baths, walk to the fish park, and play Spongebob Bingo. It really does Rock. I think you'll agree. Give it some time.

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Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts with me.