Thursday, September 30, 2010

on the other side of the NICU experience

I am watching someone very close to me go through the NICU experience.  And I can't help but cry as I type and pray as I type because unless you have walked that road, you cannot completely understand the emotional roller coaster.

the relief that your baby is being taken care of by the best possible hands
but the resentment that those hands cannot yet be yours 24/7

the joy that your baby is here, on this earth
but the frustration that he is not yet in your home

the nodding of head when people offer you well-meaning words
but the screaming in your soul as you wonder, "Why us?"

the trips you could now walk blindfolded down the halls of the hospital
as you visit your baby instead of people visiting you

the anticipation as you hear "I think tomorrow is homecoming day"
followed by the disappointment with the words, "not yet" ringing in your ears

And I cry, remembering these moments, and I cry knowing they are experiencing this ride.  If I was able, I would be making a road trip, as she did for me in my NICU days. In place of a hug and a visit, I ask this:
Say a prayer with me please for Baby J, his mama, daddy, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and more - for a homecoming soon and peace in this process.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

waiting room

this is what we have been called to
for this season


for an answer, direction, a door, a window

and we sit in this room
in uncomfortable chairs
watching others go through the doors and down a hall
or come out and exit with a note in hand
while we sit
and continue to wait

for our name to be called

we get up and check the progress
inquiring how much longer
but no concrete answer is dispensed

so we wait

and do our best to encourage one another to stay strong
when we feel like leaving
giving up

we offer our waiting, our trusting, our keeping of faith
as a sacrifice
an offering of all we have to give right now
not demanding anything in return
but hoping this gift is acceptable
while believing the outcome of waiting will someday

be revealed

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

link to muffin recipe

Here is the pumpkin cream cheese muffin recipe I used.  I did not add cardamom because a) I did not have it and b) I did not know what it was.  I halved the recipe and only made twelve, but now I wish I would have made the full batch.  Guess I will have to make some more later this week.  I will not tell you all how many I have eaten since The Hubs is not a big pumpkin fan and Bubby can only eat so much.

a lesson

I went to bed with something annoying on my mind last night.  Bubby and I woke up much too early this morning.  I would love to go back to bed, but that doesn't look likely to happen as Bubs is pushing his toy lawn mower around right now with a great deal of energy and enthusiasm.
So to fight off the crankiness I feel is trying to crowd my day and steal my joy, I will choose to reflect on the amazing Monday I had yesterday.  It really was great - especially for a Monday.
Bubby and I had a lovely morning of playing and running errands.  I successfully made delicious pumpkin cream cheese muffins that are pretty close to the Starbucks variety. 

Physical therapy got cancelled, so instead I spent that hour on the couch snuggling the boy who needed to nap.  And best of all, Bubby pulled up to standing on his own.  The physical therapy is working - slowly, but surely.  Just when I think I must be doing something wrong, I must be needing to do something more because he just is not progressing like I think he should be, my little boy proves me wrong.  Another reminder that I need to relax, stop looking at the "typical timeline of development," and enjoy the progress towards and attainment of each milestone.  And I think this applies not only to my role as mama, but also to how I view life.  Stop comparing, stop wanting the next best thing, stop worrying about the "how is it all going to work out," and try to enjoy this place, this journey, this ride.

tuesdays unwrapped at cats

Monday, September 27, 2010

stand by me

Bubby boy stood completely on his own tonight.  His own skill and his own initiative.  I was right next to him but working on something, and he decided he HAD to get the radio alarm clock.  I looked over and thought, "Hmm.  He looks tall." And I realized Bubby was up on his feet.  No prompting, no assistance, just the result of some of his mild defiance. :)  Being stubborn and defiant sometimes has its perks!
He tried a bit ago to pull up on the coffee table, but socks and wood floor make it a bit tricky!

autumn Sunday gratitude and MM 234-

Yesterday autumn weather arrived.  My Southern California hubby fears it is here to stay.  I, hater of winter, surprisingly always love when autumn weather comes on the scene.  I love the coolness, but yet not-too-cold-chill,  in the mornings under the quilt.  It seemed the last half of summer dragged on with heat and humidity, and I could not fully enjoy a pumpkin spice latte on a ninety degree day.
I have to say it was a pretty perfect Sunday here. I made a pretty tasty lunch, Bubby napped, I napped (even longer thanks to The Hubs entertaining the baby), and I went grocery shopping tonight and saved $23.00 by shopping the sales.  Bubby Boy is in fuzzy, footie pajamas and looks so sweet, and while I am not so sure it is quite cool enough for me to be wearing them, I busted out my flannel pajamas.  Yes, life was pretty good yesterday.

holy experience

234. finding canned pumpkin at the store
235. Bubby pulling up ALMOST to stand
236. comfort food
237. connecting with other mommies
238. finding a library book I thought was lost
239. a potentially full-of-clients day for hubby
240. Baby J's arrival
241. good reports on Baby J's progress in the NICU
242. Bubby once again in footie pajamas
243. snuggling with Bubby before breakfast
244. successful baking for once
245. Shelli's triple berry cobbler on Tuesday night

Saturday, September 25, 2010

pray for a new baby

I am not posting too many details because I do not know what I am at liberty to share, but please pray for a baby that was born this week.  His mommy and daddy have been told he will be in the NICU for a few days as he figures out a few important skills.  Pray he figures them out quickly and efficiently, and that his family has peace and rest at this time.

Friday, September 24, 2010


Not only did my coffeecake turn out a-maz-ing; I also ended up making these muffins (half in muffin wrappers, half not).  Yum!   The best part was I had everything already in my house to make them.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

coffee cake

For MOPS we rotate who brings food.  This is the week I am in charge of bringing a bread/pastry type thing.  I was going to make muffins, but I was out of paper muffin holders. So I made coffeecake because I had all of the ingredients.  Yes, you are reading that correctly.  I made it from scratch.
On Tuesday at the women's ministry supper/kickoff event a lady gave a cooking demonstration, and I learned a couple of things I had been doing wrong in my baking.  (I know there are hundreds of more things I am doing wrong, but for now, I have learned two or three.)  So I made a buttermilk coffeecake.  It smells good, it looks good - I wish there was a way to test it before I bring it.  But The Hubs has looked it over (and he is a much better baker than I) and has given it his approval.  He bathed and entertained Bubby while I baked, so I wasn't distracted.  Therefore, I shouldn't have the problem I had with my pumpkin pie last Thanksgiving of forgetting a key ingredient. :)
I am now in a baking mood.  I have a bread and a cobbler recipe from Tuesday night I want to try, and I also want to get some pumpkin to make some pumpkin cream cheese muffins.  If the cake is awful tomorrow, my baking mood will disappear.

musical chairs

Bubby's new thing is moving the kitchen table chairs around. He pushes them and pulls them, and he is pretty good at it. Poor E-dog has to keep moving if she is over in that general direction because it scares her half to death. But it is easy entertainment for the BuddyBoy. And I prefer him moving the chairs to moving my shoes all over the house.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


Some days I find myself thinking about the things I want, the things I do not have. From big to small and everything in-between - new medical bills paid, a new family-friendly vehicle, a new digital camera, a pumpkin spice latte, a new pair of jeans... the list varies somewhat, yet not too much, from day to day.  And sometimes I think of these things just in passing and move on to the task at hand quickly, and sometimes I dwell. And compare. And complain. And covet.
But then I read this.  And I also read a quote this morning that (paraphrasing here) said the opposite of poverty is not wealth.  The opposite of poverty is having enough.
And I am reminded of the times I visited people literally living in the garbage dumps in Venezuela.  And I remember watching my friend give a little girl a drink from her own water bottle in Nicaragua.  And I remember the songs of the people in both countries.  And I think of last night, hearing the testimonies of the ladies brought out of drug and alcoholism, and how they sang, too.
And my list seems silly now.

"A devout life does bring wealth, but it's the rich simplicity of being yourself before God. Since we entered the world penniless and will leave it penniless, if we have bread on the table and shoes on our feet, that's enough." 1 Timothy 6:6-7 (MSG)

Wordless Wednesday - t.r.o.u.b.l.e.

Monday, September 20, 2010

the emails

Since my recent hacking of the email account I've had for 7-10 years, I pretty much deleted everything in there or moved it to a new account. The main thing I wanted to make sure got moved/protected? Emails. Two hundred fifty or so emails back and forth from The Hubs and I after we first "met" online until we eloped about sevenish months later. Some of the emails have been lost - apparently I didn't manage to keep them all, but the majority of them are there. Long, get-to-know-you emails at first, then long-sappy-love-sick-long-distance-across-a-continent-and-an-ocean emails just a bit later. Tonight I read a few of the first ones. The other day I had a chance to just glance at some of the sappy ones.
There it is in black and white - each of us putting our best foot forward, trying to impress each other while still being honest and open. Documentation, primary sources, of us falling in love. One of the perks to a long distance relationship. Some people have ticket stubs and photographs of their courtship, we have words. Lots and lots of words.
And these emails - these letters of hope and anticipation and expectation and so much more - serve as a reminder of our commitment to each other and the importance of communication, as well as a reminder of just how easy it is to fall in love with the right person, but just how much hard work it takes. They remind me just what, or should I say who, I fell in love with six and a half years ago, and why I want to spend the next sixty years continuing to fall in love with him.

tuesdays unwrapped at cats

Sunday, September 19, 2010

sisters & M.M. 219-

It has only been in the last year that I have gotten to know my two step-sisters.  It is too complicated to explain on here, and really so much has changed in the lives of myself, my family members and the dynamics of things that I don't really feel an explanation is necessary at this point.  Anyway, I write that to preface what I am writing about today.
S got engaged this month, and today went shopping for a wedding dress.  Thanks to technology and E taking/sending pictures via cell phone, I got to "be there" for the event.  And I am choking up as I write this, but I am just so thankful at how easily S &  E have accepted me, The Hubs and Bubby into their lives.  Nothing of past drama or hurts or questions have been brought up - they have just incoporated us into their lives, even from long distance.  They are extremely proud aunties of Bubby and spoil him rotten.  I wish we lived closer so we could hang out more and get to know each other better.
I only had one brother growing up, so it has been fun learning to be a sister of sisters, even at this later stage of the game.

My weekly gratitude list:

holy experience

219. about 300 emails (probably more - just not all got saved) from my long-distance courtship with The Hubs (a post on this hopefully later this week)
220. deep conversations with The Hubs
221. looking at wedding dresses - how fun!
222. yummy stuffed jalepenos wrapped with bacon in PG class
223. surprise parties and celebrating with friends
224. Bubby sleeping late two days in a row
225. browsing bookstores but not buying anything
226. first payday in a long time
227. good deals
228. the in-law panel - learned a lot, laughed a lot
229. the happy noise Bubby makes when he eats
230. the smell of baby shampoo
231. little toes sticking out of "big boy" pajamas
232. the anticipation of an upcoming '80s afternoon in November
233. texting


My yahoo account has been hacked.  The account I have used for at least seven years, I think longer.  I apparently sent an email/link about drugs.  I did not send this.  There is nothing in the subject line, though.  I will no longer be using that email address.  Grrrr. 

Saturday, September 18, 2010


I read an article in a free magazine I received from our pedicatrician's office.  It stated that 80% of parents (or mothers, I can't remember) were upset with the gender of their babies.  Eighty percent?!?  Not just disappointed - I think I read upset/angry.
I'm not trying to be judgmental here, but perhaps these people haven't had any difficulty in pregnancies.  Perhaps they didn't have any issues conceiving, never miscarried, never saw their three-pound baby hooked up to machines and getting an early morning NICU call saying, "Houston, we have a problem."  Because I think if they had, I don't think they would be upset about the gender of their babies.  They would just be happy to have the privilege of having a healthy baby.

we've created a monster

When The Hubs gets a fru-fru iced blended coffee drink (frap), Bubby sees the whipped cream on top and smiles and claps with glee.  Not only does he want a taste, I think he thinks he is entitled to the fluffy, sugary goodness. This morning, thanks to Bubby sleeping in, we went to Starbucks instead of our local coffee venue.  As The Hubs took Bubby out of the car, a huge smile spread on his baby face.  Inside he clapped and squealed as he devoured spoonfuls of whipped cream.  He did sign "all done" when he had enough, so I don't think we have to worry about bad eating habits with our son. 
We have created a monster - a cute, pre-coffee addict monster.  What did we expect when he spent the first two or three months of his life on prescribed doses of caffeine? :)

Friday, September 17, 2010

what is Bubby up to these days?

  • crawling like a pro - this boy is FAST, and I don't remember the last time I saw him army/belly-crawl
  • letting us work with him on pulling to stand, standing, and cruising around the coffee table - he does not like when we make him stop locking his knees, but he does enjoy standing most of the time
  • chasing the dog - he is fascinated with his bestie
  • wanting Dada for everything - when the Hubs is at work or in his office, Bubby crawls around the house calling for him/looking for him
  • pulling clothes out of the bottom two drawers of the dresser - I have decided I am no longer going to fold these clothes on a regular basis
  • loving having his teeth brushed - we have a silly song we sing, and when he hears a phrase from it or just the word "teeth" he does a brushing motion with his fingers on his teeth - pretty stinkin' cute
  • continued fascination with belly buttons
  • continuing to love his books and musical toys
  • some crying when we leave him in the nursery on Sundays - just enough I think to let us know he is attached but I think he settles down pretty quick
  • continuing to sign "more," "please," and "all done" - though not always doing so at the correct times
  • babbling with intonation and some facial expressions but still only saying Dada (and once in awhile Mama) with true meaning/understanding

good deals

Yesterday I went to the twice-a-year huge children's items resale in town. I found a looks-like-it-was-only-worn-once GAP winter coat for ten dollars for Bubby. You can't buy a Walmart coat for that, so I bought that and a five dollar Halloween costume for Bubby. He will be a tiger. There were other costumes, but I went for the best deal. I am hoping it is not too big. I also found a tags-still-on-it sweater for him for a dollar, a GAP sweater vest for two, and a brandname pair of dress pants for Christmas pictures for three. I was pleased with these purchases, and even more pleased that Bubby still had some birthday money left for me to use on them. :)
We were looking for a double stroller at the sale. Those that were available for what we would pay used were very dated, and we weren't sure we would get a car seat to attach to one of them. One that was quality was only about twenty dollars cheaper than buying a brand new one. So we went to Toys'R'Us. Until tomorrow they are having a deal if you trade in your old stroller/carseat/whatever, you can get 25% off a new one. So we traded our stroller in for a double. This is a sit-n-stand that also can be used as a regular double stroller with the ability to attach the infant carseat to it. Then we traded in our old infant carseat (which unfortunately is not compatible with any double strollers out there) for one that goes with the brand of stroller we purchased. There were not any neutral designs for the carseat, so while I'm not thrilled with the fabric, I don't hate it either. I like it except the big phrase "All Star" on it. And we got 25% off of that, too.
The only thing is I will have to push Bubs around by himself in the double stroller for a few months, but we couldn't pass up the deal.
It hit The Hubs and I, as he was assembling the stroller, that we are going to have two babies. (Well, a baby and a toddler.)  We are going to be a family of four in just a few months.  That is just crazy to me.  I cannot even picture the dynamics, but while I am a bit overwhelmed, I am also excited.
Now we just need a vehicle to cart everyone/everything around in... anyone know where I register for that? :)

Thursday, September 16, 2010


My son woke up with a pretty high temperature yesterday...sick again. I feel so bad when he doesn't feel well.
Yet one of the "perks" of him being sick (if I can phrase it that way) is that he is a bit needy and very snuggly. On sick days he loses his independent streak and rests his head on mama or dada's shoulder. He is content to be held and to rest. He would rather be near us than with his toys.
And I thought of the verse in the Bible yesterday where Jesus talked about coming for the sick - which of course He meant more than physically sick (though He came for them, too). And I thought how when we are at our low points, we lose our independent streaks and acknowledge that we just want to be held so that we can rest. We realized the contentment found in the arms of God when we have been stripped of everything else.

"Then Jesus said, 'Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.'" Matthew 11:28 (NLT)

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

the piano

Did I mention I love my piano?
I took lessons from kindergarten to some point in middle school.  Sadly, you can't tell now, but back in the day I was pretty decent.  Even after my lessons stopped, I still played - mostly as a teenager ridding myself of tears or angst or whatever else I was dealing with in those years.
The first Christmas The Hubs and I were married he found a used piano for cheap - and purchased it a month or so early.  It is worn and a bit out of tune, one pedal doesn't work, the lid is missing a handle, but it is beautiful, and it is mine.  Bubby likes it.  He likes pushing the pedals and scooting the bench around, and he especially loves playing the keys.
And on evenings like yesterday I sit with the baby perched on my lap or crawling nearby on the floor, with him blocking my feet from the functioning pedal.  And I get out the hymnal and my Sara Groves book and I play.  Truth pours from my fingers into my ears and echoes in my spirit, and for a moment I know absolute peace.

Remember surrender
Remember that sound
Of all of those voices inside dying down
But one who speaks clearly of helping
and healing you deep within

I want to do that again
Why can't I live there
And make my home
In sweet surrender
I want to do so much more than remember
Oh surrender

(Sara Groves, Remember Surrender

tuesdays unwrapped at cats

the mailbox

Last night The Hubs was working.  I had just received some nice news via email, and I realized I needed to get the mail still from outside.  The box had tons of envelopes, but it was not good news.  It was depressing.  And off and on all evening I struggled with thinking how unfair things were. Unfair that we make good choices for our finances and for our family, and yet we still can't get ahead.  Unfair that the only debt we have is medical, mortgage, and a small student loan, and yet we still can't get ahead.  Unfair that we know that we are being obedient and good stewards, and we are not seeing the rewards.  We see so many others who have made different choices than us - unwise choices or choices we do not understand - and they seem to be doing great.  And I went back and forth between complaining about these things and being thankful that we at least know we have made good decisions, even if we are not seeing the result of them at the moment.
As I could not sleep last night for a variety of reasons, different thoughts pounded my head over and over again.
"You are doing the right thing staying home even if it would seem to others (and even yourself at times like this) that you are not."
"God has never not provided for your needs."
"This is what being a living sacrifice is all about.  Trusting even when it is easier to give up."

Romans 12:1-2 (The Message) So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

James 1:2-6 (The Message) Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.  If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought.

Monday, September 13, 2010

The Hubs and M.M. 207-218

Husbands can get a bad reputation - on tv/movies, in chatter with girlfriends, even within one's own thought-life of "If only HE was more like ME"...  But my husband is not me.  And that is (usually) a good thing.  He is not going to notice things I notice or do things the way I do them and sometimes this will annoy/frustrate me, just as I am sure when I don't notice things he notices or do things the way he does them it probably annoys/frustrates him.
All of this being said, I just wanted to take a moment and brag on The Hubs. My guy.  He held down the fort this week while Bubby and I were fighting off illness. He did laundry, emptied/loaded the dishwasher, didn't complain that there was little choice of food in the house, played with Bubby, made sure I got a nap a few times, took Bubs to the doctor so I could go to MOPS, held Bubby when he awoke at 3:45 AM, mowed the lawn, and met with nine (or ten) clients this week plus some other work stuff.
I know there were moments that could have turned ugly this week - with both of us overtired and me not feeling well - but by the grace of God (and some patience/wisdom miraculously bestowed upon us), we handled things surprisingly well. Perfectly?  No.  But well?  I'd say so.  But instead of pointing out the minor complaints, I just wanted to say I am so thankful to be on this journey with him.

holy experience
207. The Hubs
208.  cream cheese pumpkin muffin
209.  antibiotics
210. wonderful urgent care nurse
211. breathing treatments
212. first MOPS meeting
213. transparency from others so that we all can grow
214. Friday night praise and worship - and Bubby being good enough for me to stay for half
215. Michigan beating Notre Dame (sorry, Mandy R!)
216. Bubby attempting to repeat the phrase "Thank you" to The Hubs
217. beautiful Sunday weather
218. starting to better understand my spiritual gifts and how I operate in them

Sunday, September 12, 2010

The E-Dog Saga continued

Poor Ebby Lou.  She falls many mornings when she gets up to go outside.  She scoots around more and more instead of walking.  Arthritis has severely damaged her legs and hips, and we cannot do anything except make it so it hopefully doesn't get worse.  But it will not get better. 
What is the humane thing to do?
She does not whine or act like she is in a lot of pain, but she is definitely very limited.  Her poor big body shape on her tiny legs just adds to the situation.  Did I mention she is also now pulling out some of her fur?
So we are wrestling with the decision of putting her down. And it breaks my heart because she is one of the sweetest dogs ever.  She loves Bubby and is soooooo good with him - patient and gentle and protective.  Sometimes I think Ebby thinks she is his mama.  And the boy loves his dog.  Now that he is crawling he chases her (as she scoots), pets her (which is actually more like smacking than petting), and "talks" to her.
So we don't know what to do.
And if we put her down, that leaves us with another dilema.  We would need another dog at this house, especially with The Hubs working a lot of evenings.  But we would need a dog that is just as good with babies.  And all of this costs money, too.  And it makes me feel a little guilty thinking of a replacement dog before Ebby's fate is even determined.  Aye aye aye.
We have had Ebby since we moved to Missouri.  We got her right away.  We are definitely "the dog is part of the family" people.  Needing some wisdom to do what is best.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Please do not forget the significance of this day.  Amidst the Saturday chores, the football games, the weekend nap, remember those who lost loved ones nine years ago when we were attacked.  Remember what today is about and why we must remember.

Friday, September 10, 2010


It's funny how not feeling well can make one feel foggy in so many areas. But the fog is starting to lift thanks to rest, fluids, and antibiotics. Thanks to a husband who kept up with laundry and dishes and diaper changes. Thanks to breathing treatments working for Bubs. Thanks to McAlister's chicken tortilla soup because I could only eat so much Campbell's chicken noodle. (Although the tortilla soup got its revenge with heartburn that felt like I was having a heart attack for two hours last night... a story for another day). And today while The Hubs took Bubby to his follow-up doctor appointment (looks good), I was no longer contagious and feeling decent enough to attend my first MOPS meeting, though staying and napping on the couch looked tempting.
And getting out and talking with some other mamas made me feel better. And I somewhat regret not joining last year, though I had my reasons. I am going to get out of my comfort zone this year.  I am going to continue going to MOPS and the social activities they are offering this year, I am going to go to Wednesday's Beth Moore study (even though I had to miss the first one this week), I am going to sign up to go on the Women's Retreat  this October (even though I do not know with whom I will room)...
I have always been a mix between extrovert and introvert.  Personality tests have confirmed I am about half and half.  But I think the last five or so years I have let the introvert take over, and I don't really like it.  Not that I want to be the loud, obnoxious one in the group.  That is (USUALLY) not me.  I'd like my balance back.
I took a few days off of Facebook.  How refreshing, and yet how eye-opening.  I hope to write about this soon.  But it gave me a lot to think about - pushed me into thinking about more changes I want to make in my life.  I have a few months left until I turn thirty, and while I am happy with who I am, I am ready to keep growing into who God intended me to be.  Scary thought. Thrilling thought.  Exhausting thought.
So maybe I am still a bit foggy... this post was a little all over the place.  Guess I just needed to type it all out. :)

Thursday, September 9, 2010

pray for this baby and his mama

four days

So I have bronchitis and sinusitis (?).  The good news is I am on an antibiotic and won't be contagious tomorrow. The bad news is the doctor said I probably won't feel better for at least four days.  Apparently doctors don't realize mommies don't have four days of not feeling well to spare - especially when this mommy's baby is sick.  Lots of rest and fluid is what else I am supposed to get.  At least I know I can get lots of
I took Bubby in the car so at least one of us could nap, but as soon as we got home, the nap ended.  Now he is in his crib fighting sleep.
Pray for me. 

not allergies

So while the Hubs was working yesterday afternoon/early evening, Bubby was in pain - screaming and crying and not resting and just misereable.  When Hubs got home we took the little guy to urgent care because we weren't sure what we were dealing with.  At urgent care, the nurse and the doctor did not like at all what they were hearing (or in the case of the left lung not hearing), so they thought we might be dealing with pneumonia.  Xrays showed we were not (thank goodness!), just a really bad case of bronchiolitis.  So Bubby is on some steroids and a nebulizer breathing treatment.  He hated the breathing treatment at the office, but last night and this morning he has done really well for his treatments.  We actually all got a little bit of sleep between treatments last night.
I head to my regular (not OB) doctor today because I still feel miserable - now with bad coughing and sore throat - and since I'm pregnant, I thought I should get it checked out.
Hope to catch up on reading Imperfect Prose and other blogs today, but I may not...

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

the allergies continue

Bubs got more sleep last night than the night before, though I would wake and hear him snoring, coughing, snorting.  Poor guy.  They hit me last night with full force, and though I slept, I wouldn't say I slept well.
I had my doctor appointment today.   Everything seems fine.  She told me I could take Claritin.  Up until this point I haven't taken any meds (becides my hormones) during this pregnancy.  I hate to do it.  But I'm not eating or sleeping well, so I'm hoping this works.  Sadly, I threw up about an hour after I took my Claritin (which you can only take once a day), so I am not sure how much got into my system.  Doesn't feel like much - feels like a semitruck is crashing around in my head.  I am hoping I feel better soon because the new Beth Moore study starts tonight, and I don't want to miss the first night.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010


It was a rough night at our house.  Bubby and I have allergies, so while the  rest of the city turned off the A/C and opened windows, we did not.  Poor Bubby was beyond miserable from about six o'clock on.  Around seven I knew he just needed to sleep, but he couldn't.  All night he fought it because he couldn't get comfortable with all of the snot seeping out of him.  I held him, the Hubs held him, we put him in is crib, in his swing, on the floor next to me.  That is where Bubby and I spent most of the night because he was most comfortable there.  It was so sad when he would wake up (almost sleep walking without the walking), look/crawl around the floor and try to deal with his own misery.  It makes me feel so helpless as a mama when there is really nothing I can do to help my child...and I wonder will these feelings always take me back to Bubby's NICU days?
This morning was the sweetest moment though.  The Hubs needed to run out and get some milk, and Bubby was still sleeping (and I was still sprawled out next to him on the floor).  The front door shuts quietly, Bubs' eyes pop open, and in the most cheerful voice he says, "Da-da?!"with a smile on his face (as well as some crusty stuff).    My generally happy little guy is back, though still fighting junk, and the Mac family will soon be making a trip to Starbucks because after a night like that, we think we deserve a little tasty caffeine. :)  And for all of this I am thankful - air conditioning, helpful hubby, little boy who teaches me lessons in perseverance...

tuesdays unwrapped at cats

Monday, September 6, 2010

backyard football pictures and M.M. 195-206

195. PAT screening for Buddy showing he is on track (for his adjusted "12.5 months" age) in language and social skills
196. pumpkin spice latte (this may continue showing up on my list)
197. answered prayers
198. autumn weather
199. the start of college football season

200. fuzzy, wispy, blond hairs sticking straight up on Buddy's head this morning
201. meaningful, yet hilarious, Sunday School discussion
202. a new Beth Moore study starting this week
203. pushing myself out of my comfort zone
204. playing piano with my baby on my lap
205. seven clients last week for the Hubs - praying for at least ten this week (join mein that prayer)
206. a package of Hostess cupcakes just because somebody loves me

holy experience

Saturday, September 4, 2010


I think this may be what I want.

It sounds like the best option, and it should be adaptable to the infant carseat we already have from when Buddy was littler.  I don't think they have this version at Toys'R'Us though, so we couldn't do the trade-in.  I need to do some more research/looking but this is what the Hubs and I have in mind right now.

Friday, September 3, 2010


So sometimes physical therapy is hard work - for Buddy and for me.  But this week our PT mentioned we should get Buddy to the park to swing as often as we can - not just front to back, but side to side and in a circle.  It helps with sensory things, equilibrium, and some other stuff that will be useful as Buddy boy gets ready to walk.
Today being the most gorgeous day ever, and the Hubs not having any counseling appointments today, we headed to the park for some physical therapy and a picnic.  Definitely a perk to being a stay-at-home mom - impromptu field trips!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Kramer and the Vet

In reference to my post on E-dog, I found this YouTube video:

Favorite line, "Oh, I'd take a vet over an MD anyday." :)

nesting already?

I think I may be forcing myself to nest.  I didn't really get the chance with Bubs.  Work ended on Friday, my living room was filled with six years of classroom/teaching supplies/materials, and Monday morning I ended up in the hospital.  And I didn't really have time to nest while going back and forth to the NICU.
Soooo.... today I unpacked all of Buddy's newborn-six month clothes from totes, rewashed them, sorted them, and reorganized Buddy's dresser so that one side if for him and one side is for Mac 2.0 (who will eventually get a better nickname).  
I did not unpack any of the preemie stuff because I am acting in faith that we will not need any preemie stuff this time.
The clothes looked so small, and many of the newborn outfits have yellow stains from the nasty-smelling vitamin supplement I had to give Bubs for quite some time, which tinted his spit up.
Having another boy is making this process so much easier since the two will be so close in age.  I don't know how to explain it, but it is just how I feel.  I do have another blog entry brewing based on a magazine article on baby gender that made me mad... but that is for another day.

So what am I thinking we still need?
-Well, clothing-wise, not too much.Buddy's newborn and 3 month stuff is more light-weight since when he was those sizes it was warmer weather than Mac 2.0's anticipated winter arrival.  But I l have learned little babies don't need much - just lots of pajamas - because those are easy, they can't pull the socks off, and they are cute and comfy.
-I would love a better sling than what I had with Bubs.  I am currenty investigating options for this.  I am all about baby-wearing.  Buddy hated it  - but I think it was the sling I had.  He did want me to hold him all of the time, just with my own two hands.
- A double-stroller that our Evenflo infant carseat can snap into.  I am having a hard time finding this.  I am looking for used if I can find a good used one.
-Some decor - not much because I am one of those weird people who don't see the need of going over the top with nursery decorating - I'd rather save my money.  However, we did pretty much nothing with the room for Buddy because we thought we were selling our house/moving. And that doesn't seem to be happening, so I'd like to make it a little bit cheerier/more playful looking for the boys.  I'm hoping to find things used, just like I found the crib bedding (which we only use half of so I'm glad I paid next-to-nothing).
-A minivan.  Just thought I'd put that out there for people to pray for one to fall into our laps.  Specifically a Toyota Sienna or a Honda Odyssey.  :)  Our Scion came to us at just the right time and at the right price for us to pay in cash and not have a payment, so I am praying in the not-to-do distant future it will work out.  But if not, it isn't a huge deal.

The E-Dog

So our dog in recent months has had trouble lifting her hind legs.  She drags them behind her a lot of times, but if she sees something she wanst (a squirrel, a treat, a ride in the car) she can move very quickly on all four.  She is an odd-shaped mutt - big body, not so big head, little chicken legs - so while some called her fat (she really isn't fat, she is solid), we just figured she was a bit lazy.  A couple of weeks ago the walking got worse. Some days it seemed fine, other days not so much.  She was avoiding using her right leg.  We finally bit the bullet and took her to the vet today.  (We love our vet.  He is an older, Christian guy, on the outskirts of town, with whom we board E-dog.)   The verdict?  Arthritis.  So bad that her cartiledge is gone in one of her knees, not so good in the other, and her hip looks bad.  We love our E-dog.  So we are going to pay for a few rounds of shots.  And we bought her better (and surprisingly less expensive) dog food.  I feel safe in the house with our dog, especially when the Hubs now has to work some evenings.  She is sooo incredibly good with Buddy.  I hope she is able to walk better soon.  If her treatment eventually involves more than just a few shots/her health gets worse, we will have to put her down.  Hopefully it will not come to that.

Random side note:  Hubs and I compared vet care with human care.  Our doggie doc was on time, moved efficiently, told us the price of everything before he proceeded with anything (giving us a chance to yay or nay), and was reasonably priced.   Affordable health care at the vet of our choosing - without insurance - without a government health plan for animals.  Why?  No big bad insurance companies, no big bad lobbyists, no big bad lawyers looking to sue for every little hangnail, no doggies going to the vet for every tiny problem wanting the tax payers to pay for it and crowding the doggie er's.  :)  (Yes, I can make everything political, friends, and THAT is why you love me, mwah wah wah.)

today I am praying

Today I am praying for a situation for someone dear to me.  I am not at liberty to say for whom or what reason, but please join me in praying for this unspoken request.

UPDATE:  Things turned out okay. :)

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

in the waiting room

This morning I was subject to viewing a guy for a prolonged amount of time - a skinhead - tattooed with all sorts of hate.  Nazi symbols, skulls everywhere, White Power, all permanently displayed in ink on every inch of his body.  I saw him at the doctor's office.  He sat next to his pregnant girlfriend in his (what I internally labeled this morning) "true-to-stereotype wife beater" shirt.
How can one be so proud of such ignorance?  So proud of hate that he becomes a human billboard promoting hate against people groups who most likely have done nothing to him?
And, quite honestly, I fought against my own hate - the hateful thoughts that, though not displayed for the world to see, screamed, "Why does this man get to have a baby when so many wonderful people I love, people who love others, are still waiting?!!"
And tonight I fight back tears - for this man's unborn child, who without a miraculous intervention, will more than likely repeat the cycle of hate.
And I cry as I pray for my friends who continue to wait for children with whom to share a life of love and understanding and respect.

12 new things - August

So my attempt at cupcakes from scratch failed on Friday. Miserably.  BUT I am okay with that because for the first time (I think) when I've attempted to bake/cook something and failed at it, I did not cry, I did not get angry at myself or anyone/anything else... I tried to salvage the unsalvagable, and when that failed, I laughed it off and threw the sad, sad, cupcakes in the trash.
Not a complete failure. 
On to September's goal...

15 month picture

Not doing a picture every month any more now that he is one - just on the months Buddy has his check-ups.

And last night Buddy used the regular bathtub - what a big boy!  He wanted to crawl and move around in the tub.  We are going to have to get him some swimming lessons because he LOVES the water.