Tuesday, August 31, 2010

pumpkin spice lattes

They're back.... at least according to my online sources.

Sadly, this fall's budget will not be allotting me my normal seasonal quota of my favorite autumn beverage.

Not only is it a tasty drink, the beverage reminds me of the week The Hubs and I got engaged.  I drank a lot of pumpkin spice lattes for the first time while he was back in the States visiting.  So each sip is a trip down memory lane...

Have I convinced anyone to purchase a lifetime supply (or even just a season's supply) for me yet? hehehe

I'm shameless... when it comes to loving you,  (pumpkin spice latte).

15 months

Bubby had his 15 month well-visit this morning.  He is 21 lbs, 8 oz, and is 31.5 inches long.  That is the eleventh percentile for weight and sixty-third percentile for height among his peers.  If you compare him to his preemie age (as he is just a little over 12 months developmentally), he is in the NINETIETH percentile for height and twenty-fifth for weight.
Bubs took his shots like a pro.  The nurse (nor I) could believe it.  He didn't cry, didn't wince - nothing.  He was more disturbed when the doc tried to check his throat.
A 15 month picture will be posted later today or tomorrow.  Check back then! :)

Monday, August 30, 2010

Saturday drive

Saturday we went for a drive.  It was a beautiful, sunny day, and we like to do that sometimes on a Saturday afternoon.  Bubby napped in his car seat, and the Hubs and I held hands and talked.  And talked. And talked.  Something about a simple drive releasing us to speak on the heaviness of our hearts, the questions to which we have no answers, the blessings that we do not deserve.  We wondered aloud why some are seemingly blessed when they live so differently than we do, and we wondered equally why we are so blessed when there are others who do so much more for the kingdom.
And we drove on the outskirts of the town in which we sometimes feel trapped, but with a peace that even while we do not understand our location or circumstances, we are not alone.  We are here and experiencing the new challenges of this new phase in the journey for a reason.  To stretch us more.  To teach us.  To shape us.  To bless us.
Our burdens lifted, we drove home, Bubby still napping in the back.
tuesdays unwrapped at cats 

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Multitude Monday 183-194

The sweet simplicity of Sunday - church, lunch at home, playing with Bubs, nap for everyone, baby-bathtime, brownies, vegging out on the couch without what I used to call "the Sunday night blues" - perfection.  I forget the worries of last week's client cancellations for The Hubs, the Monday morning grocery list, and kicking myself for once again not making phone calls that I have been meaning to make for weeks now.  Giving myself the chance to rest on this day made for me to rest.  Let's do this again next week, my dear friend Sunday.

holy experience
 183. grace and continuing to grasp and understand it more and more 
"Grace is not simply leniency when we have sinned. Grace is the enabling gift of God not to sin. Grace is power, not just pardon." John Piper
184. more crawling progress
185. reading a book on a Friday afternoon as Buddy naps and The Hubs works
186. laughing at my failed cupcake attempt
187. Saturday afternoon sunny drive conversation with my guys
188. coffee with a "newish" friend
189. a word in the midst of worship today that was meant for me - no doubt - I can't even explain it
190. the fluffiest banana bread ever
191. minimum pain from the progesterone shot this week
192. a good report from the high-risk doctor
193. blogging friends
194. laughter

on with the show...

Buddy had his second real illness this week.  He was teething (and still is) this week, so it took us awhile to realize something was wrong other than the usual teething effects.  But Wednesday my mama-instincts took over, and I took him the doctor.  Doctor diagnosis - nothing except maybe a virus, maybe teething.
Thursday late afternoon Buddy developed a weird rash that continued to spread and get worse.  We gave him a bath incase he got into something. Still bad.  I call the doctor's office (which is minutes from closing) after doing some research online to figure out what this is.  Chicken pox is my only guess.  I describe to the nurse.  She obviously can't diagnose over the phone and recommends urgent care since their office is closing and mentions rashes due to allergic reactions can turn into breathing problems.  Freaks this mama out a bit, but I ask, "Is chicken pox going around?"  Nope. And then told again take to urgent care incase it is serious.
So we do.  We wait two hours to be told - roseola.  In roseola it is a virus babies/young kids get that is a fever and then a rash.  The rash appears when they are no longer contagious.  The rash is apparently not itchy, painful, or contagious.  I am very irritated that my doctor's office never mentioned this as a possibility - either at my visit or with my phone call.
Buddy has been so cranky this week due to everything.  He is normally a very happy little guy, easily content.  Nothing is making him happy this week, although he is sleeping pretty well.  I just feel bad that he isn't his normal self.
He is, when he feels up to moving around, crawling around even better these days. I can even prompt him (when he is belly-crawling) with a verbal "command" and a good chunk of the time he responds and gets on hands and knees to crawl.  Thank you, once again, physical therapy.
We have also figured out we think Buddy is trying to say "tickle, tickle, tickle" as he grabs/pinches/attempts to tickle us (or even at other random happy times), but it comes out, "ducka-dicka-duckle" or something like that.  We could be wrong, but that is what we think he is doing.  He has started to become fascinated with belly-buttons, his own and others', so I am hoping when we are out in public he doesn't try to lift up the bottom of my shirt (or anyone else's) in the attempt to poke their belly button.  Cute at home. Not as cute in a crowd.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

stick a fork in me

I am tired of mediocrity.  I am tired of being like everyone else.  The Cross is offensive.  The Truth is offensive.  Jesus was offensive.  He was kind and compassionate to the lost, but man did He let "the church-goers" of His time have it. Turning tables, calling them vipers, calling a spade a spade.
I want to be like that.  All of it. 
He never said to people doing wrong, "That's okay."  He said to them, "Go and sin no more."  And He said to the religious even more harsh statements.
I am tired of luke-warmness.  I am tired of post-modern.  I am tired, tired, tired of people defending things that should not be defended.
People like me are not popular.  In the past or in the present. Oh well.
I just think if you are Christian you should not pick and choose the parts of the Bible you will believe.
If you are a Buddhist, don't just pick out the parts of Buddhism that are easy.
If you are a Muslim, be the best Muslim you can be.
If you are an atheist, be the best atheist you can be.

I happen to be a Christ-follower.  Not perfect. Not at all. I screw up. I will admit when I screw up. I have before, I will again.  I will never apologize for standing up for what I believe.  It isn't worth it to me. I have come to realize that over the last few days.
Because what is the point of being a Christian if you are not going to be sold-out?  What is the point of being anything (conservative, liberal, vegetarian, Hawkeye fan, etc.) if you are not going to be sold-out?
My points in my blog are never to offend non-Christians.  If you are one, and I offend you, please let me know. That is never my intent.  My intent is to challenge people who share my faith to think about things.  Please know that this is my blog which describes my journey - as a mother, as a wife, a friend, a Christian - it will have many bumps and hiccups along the way.  If you are a Christian and you are offended, I honestly do not care as much because 9 times out of 10 I am guessing you probably should be.  Sincerely think of why you are offended.  Then feel free to let me know.  We may not agree, but I am always open to reasonable and calm debate.  I am not at the point in my life any more where I want a screaming match.

I will lose friends, I will lose readers, but people who really understand my heart I will not lose.  And I am at peace with that.

Friday, August 27, 2010

I love the blogging world

I love the blogging world.  I have found so many neat things, people, ideas, and inspiration over the last several months.  And as a stay-at-home mom, it helps me feel connected to people on the days when I just cannot get out of the house.
My recent favorite is Thursdays - Emily hosts imperfect prose - and people share poems, photographs, paintings, essays, thoughts, etc.  I love it.
Through imperfect prose I found this blogger's words yesterday.  It spoke to me on so many levels.  And it fits with my own blog title.  I very much wish the words were mine.  Thank you, Sarah, for writing and letting me link to your blog today.

Thursday, August 26, 2010


Trying to find the appropriate balance between relevance and righteousness.
A local church flier first appalled me.  Then convicted me.  Then appalled me again.

I am completely opposed to legalism.
But I am mortified to see how far a "Bible-believing" church will stoop in order to be popular and draw in a crowd with a crass one-liner. For shock value?  For humor? For what I am not sure.

And I am mortified that until today the line did not bother me.  I laughed at it frequently and quoted it occassionally.

But when I saw it today in black and white to advertise a sermon-series, anger overcame me.  First at that church's leadership, then at my own heart.

I still do not think being a Christ-follower means a big long list of rules and regulations.  It doesn't.  Not at all.  It is grace and freedom... and yet, responsibility, too.

But I was saddened to have staring me in the face the beauty of sex cheapened.  And cheapened by a place that is supposed to value it.  And cheapened by me.

In high school, in college, even last year I gave up watching shows I loved. Not because anyone told me to.  Not at all.  Because I was tired of them cheapening something I place high value on. And now it looks like I am about to give up another.

And I know I will find my balance again between freedom and responsibility, righteousness and relevance.  Once my head stops spinning from all of the thoughts started by a simple flier I almost threw away without a second glance.

12 new things

Got this idea here and here.  Can't get the button yet, but I will add it when my computer cooperates.

12 new things to accomplish this year (one each month) - I will start small for August since there are just a few days left. :)

August - make "more-than-basic" cupcakes - like the kind I saw on Master Chef last night or from The Cup

September - Get Buddy's first year of baby book (via digital scrapbook) finished

October - make an apple pie from scratch

November - make homemade Christmas cards

December - watch a new-to-me Christmas movie

January - become a mommy-of-two (I think this will keep me busy!)

February - make homemade bread

March - TBD

April - TBD

May - TBD

June - TBD

July -TBD


wispy blond hair
sleepy blue eyes
chubby pink cheeks
smooshed in close
on mama's belly

his former home

(was it not just his kicks
and sommersaults
that were keeping mom awake?)

here he rests
on home made pillow
now a mama-made bunkbed
as womb-residing baby
taps up, "h-e-l-l-o"
already speaking the magical brother language

while Bubby sleeps unaware
Mama prays and dreams
of best-friend days approaching

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


I met with my regular OB today for my "regular" two week appointment and round 2 of my progesterone shot.  Today my hip isn't hurting (so far) like last week, but boy do I have a headache!
I had discussed a question regarding if/when I should receive steroids with this pregnancy like I had to with Buddy when I was in the hospital.  The high risk doc told me it was up to me.  My OB today said she would very much recommend me doing that at week 28.  So she made a note in my file, and I feel good that she is being very proactive (even though I have to wait 45 minutes twice a month for a 5 minute visit...grrr).
Continuing to pray that I make it to at least week 35/36, but feeling better that we are doing all we can to keep this baby as healthy and safe as possible.


Bubs is breaking in four teeth (two have been pushing through I think for awhile now) a little further back.  He isn't overly fussy. He is just snuggly and lethargic yet fidgety at the same time.  Last night about 3 AM we gave him some more Tylenol, and he had a hard time falling back asleep.  We tried him in bed with us, me on the couch with him, him back in his crib, and finally I put blankets on his floor and I laid down next to him. 
The worst part about teething is the disgusting diapers that he has as a result. YUCK!  That is all I will write about that.
He looks exhausted from not resting well.  I hope he gets a good nap in today.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

best friends

The physical therapist will be here in a minute, but today's ultrasound results showed that baby looks good, pregnancy seems normal, AND

we are having a


long toesies
waving hello
sweet little face

Buddy gets a best friend!

Monday, August 23, 2010

Multitude Monday 169-182

holy experience

169.  my hairstylist - not only for doing a good job chopping off my hair, but also for being a terrific person

170. popcorn and ice cream dinners
171. lunch with family
172. free Starbucks for filling out a survey
173. agreeing on names
174. Buddy (finally) falling asleep for a nap... on my belly bump
175. storytime at the library
176. qualifying for shots
177.  insurance covering lab work (so far)
178. the anticipation of college football season
179. chocolate chip cookies
180. friends who pray
181. some clients for the Hubs
182. finding out the Dillons on my side of town is overall better than the one on the nice side of town

Saturday, August 21, 2010

comparing bellies

March 2009 - 19 weeks pregnant with Buddy

August 2010 - 19 weeks pregnant with Mac 2.0

Friday, August 20, 2010

19 week update

I haven't written too much about Mac2.0 lately. I will post a picture on Saturday after my haircut per my sister-in-law's request. :) I am definitely bigger/rounder at this point than I was with Buddy.
I was having every-other-week appointments, but I was out of town for my last one, so August will just have one appointment...like a "normal" pregnancy. Then I will be back to every other week.
Progesterone shots started Wednesday. The shot initially didn't hurt. The nurse apologized about the thickness of the liquid and the pain, but when she was done administering it, I thought, "That is it?" and felt pretty proud of myself. I had taken all the shots in the hospital with Buddy really well, so I was just about to give myself the label Superwoman as I walked out of the office, BUT by the time I reached my car my hip felt like it was on fire. This pain lasted throughout the day. I will get to experience this every Wednesday until week 35 or 36, but it is well worth it if it keeps Mac2.0 in a little longer than Buddy.
Tuesday morning we have our big ultrasound including finding out the gender. I would love to be surprised, but honestly, it will just be easier to know if I need to purchase some pink things or get the tiny blue things out of storage. We have a girl's first name 100% decided on, but we do not have a boy's name yet or a middle name for a girl.
We also meet with the high risk doctor Tuesday after the ultrasound to go over the images and anything else he wants to tell us. I am already compiling my list of questions.

How am I feeling?
I am still having waves of nausea and episodes of throwing up, though they are not as frequent. I am still tired, but I am not sure if that is pregnancy related, heat related, or chasing a one-year-old related. Probably a combo. :) Heartburn returned with this pregnancy. Cravings? Ice cream, biscuits and gravy... that's all that is coming to mind right now. I feel Mac 2.0 especially in the mornings and evenings. Hubby was actually able to feel some movement the other day when the baby was extremely active.

I think that is it for this update! Thank you for your prayers for this pregnancy and for my family.

EDIT:  Disregard the biscuits and gravy craving.  I got some from Braum's this morning, and they were gross.  I did forget to mention I cannot get enough chocolate milk or Hostess cupcakes.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

God's Yes

My personal portrait of God
differs from some others'...

I see Him knocking down fences and walls
not built by His hands
but by those who do not understand

how He longs for us to run barefoot in the grass
and laugh until it hurts
and cry without shame
and share conversation and a bottle of wine
not just for the communion of Remembrance
but for the communion and celebration of the Present.

"Love Me. Love others as you love yourself." He calls out.

The simplicity and the complexity of all that is required echoes in my heart.

That is all I want for my son.
For him to grow to love Him with passion,
others with understanding,
and himself with sincerity.

And I realize the same is the Father's desire for me.

"Stand in awe of God's Yes." Psalm 128:4 The Message

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

my little reader

Buddy loves books. The other night he was having some independent play time and got very quiet. I turned to the Hubs and asked, "Is he okay?" We poke our heads around the corner to where our little guy was playing, and there he sat, contentedly "reading" his books.
For his birthday, he received a plastic basket/bucket-ish container decorated and personalized with his name. I keep books in there and rotate them every so often so he and I have easy access to his books (and so I don't get bored reading the same ones over and over). Buddy loves to pull the books out and look through them. He loves to be read to, but he also will push away from me and "read" them on his own. Sometimes the books are upside down, but he is great at turning the pages and studying the pictures, flipping the flaps and exploring the textures if the books offer the opportunity.
It's the simplest things that make this mama's heart happy.

school supplies

I bought "school" supplies today. I couldn't help myself. The printer paper was a penny once we send in the rebate, and the notebooks were a penny each, too. Both of these purchases were for Hubby's new job. And I bought a weekly/calendar little wipe off board for the fridge because I think somewhere in my heart I miss routine and plans and dry-erase.
And tonight I went to the library and checked out books for me, for enjoyment and growth and ideas for helping Buddy learn and thrive.
Because I am still a teacher.

Monday perfection

tuesdays unwrapped at cats
I came back from two weeks away, excited to be home, but there is always the let-down of being back in the land of reality and responsibility.  Laundry to do, groceries to be purchased, things to get done and be put away.  It makes a person want to get back in the car and drive to any place but here.
Monday being Monday had its moments of frustration and irritation, but when I realized the problem was more with me than with Monday, I began to see the day for what it was.  A perfect Monday.
groceries purchased and dinners planned for the week
laundry tackled
lots of play time with Buddy and a long nap for him, too
gift card used for Sonic happy hour with the Hubs
an amazing break from the dreadful heat and a lovely walk in the park with my guys
chicken on the grill

Monday, August 16, 2010

he's crawling - and M.M. 156-168

I have a lot of catching up to do in my blog-reading.  I haven't been around very much lately because I spent the last two weeks in my hometown.  It was a great trip, and it feels weird to think I most likely won't be back up until 2011.  With my history of preterm labor I don't want to travel anywhere once I hit the viability weeks in my pregnancy. 
While I was home, Buddy started crawling.  Friday, August 13 was his lucky day.  I stepped out of the room for a moment at Mimi's, and Karin-the-Great calls out, "He's crawling!"  So we spent the afternoon encouraging him to crawl some more.  Of course my good video camera was at my mom's house, but thankfully my phone has a feature to record short videos, though the quality isn't that great.  Bubs still is preferring to scoot around on his belly army-crawl style, but I think he is gradually realizing getting up on hands and knees to crawl is faster.  He is into EVERYTHING and pulling up on EVERYTHING.  I am thinking he will be standing and cruising around the furniture in the not too distant future.

I know all good parents are proud of their children when they reach a milestone, but I wonder if those of us with children who are a bit behind have a different sense of pride?  Most babies crawl between 6-10 months, Buddy is 14.5 months (and 12 months for his adjusted preemie age).  While most babies figure out this skill on their own, we had to bring in an expert to help us with Buddy's gross motor skills (and oh my goodness is she going to be shocked I think when she comes this week!).  Every accomplishment we do not take for granted.  They are amazing gifts, and I pray that I feel this way for every child I have, preemie or not.

holy experience

157. people willing to drive me back and forth
158. friday night pizza conversation with one of my cousins - my sides still hurt from laughing
159. seeing family at my other cousin's baby shower
160. coffee with my aunt
161. just time in general with my family
162.one of the best cakes I've ever tasted
163. new friends
164. difficult but important conversations
165. sleeping in my old bedroom with the glow-in-the-dark starts still on the ceiling
166. a new appreciation for grace
167. a one-year old who travels pretty well in the car
168. some clients for the Hubs

Friday, August 13, 2010

another day, another dollar

I am a teacher's kid.  Pre-Buddy I was a teacher.  I think of my years not only in the traditional since but also based off of a school calendar. Today many of my teacher friends go back to work, and I begin year # 2 as a stay-at-home mom.  A few months ago I thought I was going back to teaching since Hubby's new job would mean minimal non-parental childcare for Bubs, but God told me "no" at the last minute, and then a few weeks later He explained why...Mac 2.0.
I miss the paycheck though we have never been a two-income family, so I probably miss it less than some others in my position.  I miss school supplies and setting up a classroom and most of the students and most of the teachers.  I very much miss finding a rubber rat in the copy machine and chatting on recess duty.  I DO NOT miss recess duty though.
But as Buddy has become more interactive, and I have adjusted to a different way to spend my day I can honestly say I love my new job.  I am my own boss.  I can take "vacation" whenever I want... I just have to bring my work with me.  I don't get emails, notes, and phone calls from irate and incompetent parents.I am definitely using my degrees, though in a slightly different way.  My paycheck is daily in the form of smiles, slobbery kisses, and the progress I see Buddy making that I don't know if he would be making as quickly if I was not with him as much as I am.
Happy New School Year to my teacher friends.  I hope to maybe see you this fall if I can substitute a couple of days a week.  Good luck!  I miss you, gals, but I must admit I am content with where I have been placed again this year. 

Thursday, August 12, 2010

quick update

One of the worst moments of mommyhood happened today.  I don't know if my equalibrium was off or just pregnancy clutziness or what combined with a rambunctious one year old, but Buddy slipped out of my arms and landed on the tile floor.  I cried longer than he did.  He has a big bruise on his forehead.  Mother-of-the-year right here.  But he's been his normal self all day, so he's okay.  My emotional scar will last much longer than the mark on his head.
Buddy is making huge strides with his gross motor skills.  His physical therapist is going to be shocked, I think, because she was on vacation all of July, and we had a sub. Then we have been gone for these first two weeks of August so he's had no therapy this month so far.  But he is pulling up like crazy on everything almost ready to stand.  He is also on hands and knees a ton and soooo stinkin' close to crawling. He appears to about do it, and everyone watching sucks all the oxygen out of the room in anticipation, and then he goes into sit.  I am so very thankful at all of the progress he is making.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

late Multitude Monday 145-155

Yes, it is Tuesday.  But here is this week's list.

145. Watching Bubs start to rock back and forth on hands and knees again BIG TIME. (He took a very long break after he did so in early July.)  He's also really pulling up on things as well.
146. Days and evenings filled with various people to visit - there is never enough time while I am home.
147.  Agreeing on a name if we have a baby girl.
148. Whitey's ice cream.
149. The type of marriage where I can visit my family without guilt (though I do miss The Hubs a bunch).
150. A little bit of a bump
151. Seeing Buddy fall asleep while my best friend held him.
152. Staying in a house with cable and watching Food Network :)
153. Conversations about the sacrifices (financially, professionally, emotionally) of being a stay-at-home mom with women who have been there/done that - and being reminded once again that it is completely worth it for me.
154. A Monday afternoon nap amidst the noise of basement construction
155.  Getting excited to see some of my cousins this weekend

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Happy Birthday, Mom

It is almost my mom's birthday.  If you know my mom, you know what an amazing person she is.  A lot of daughters claim to have a great relationship with their mom, but I know just what a gift our relationship is.  Not that we don't have our moments where we drive each other nuts... but we are close enough that we can deal with that honestly and go and grow from there.  In honor of her birthday, here are some of the things that make my mom so great!
  • She is a giver.  My mom has gone above and beyond sacrificing for my brother and I.  I know that she has passed up many material things and opportunities in order to not only provide for our needs, but also for some of our wants.  There were times she worked two jobs as a single mom to put food on the table and to make sure that while we didn't have everything our friends did, that we didn't go without some of the things they had.  My mom not only gives to her children (and now grandchild), but she gives to her friends, her kids' friends, and to her students.  My mom has always taught students who have nothing.  She has made sure her students have school supplies, lunch money, school clothes, a computer for college, etc.  She does all of this without recognition or repayment and without complaint.  She gives of her time.  She visits us as often as she is able to instead of taking a real vacation somewhere exotic or relaxing.  She has taken care of her parents and gone above and beyond for them.  I seriously have never met anyone who gives as much as she does.
  • She is a great friend.  She is loyal and authentic.  What you see is what you get.  She will not give you advice unless you ask for it, and even then, she remembers that it is advice, not a mandate.  She is not judgemental, and she can keep a secret.
  • She is stinkin' hillarious.  Even in the middle of the tensest moments, we can find things to laugh about.  We find joy and ridiculousness in the simplest things.  I can think of a zillion inside jokes from over the years.
  • She is MOM.  Not just to her kids, but to her kids' friends.  Both my brother and I have several friends who decided to call my mom, Mom.  Throughout my teenage and college years, I was told many times, "I wish my mom was like your mom," not because my mom was "cool," but because my mom wouldn't freak out about little things, she knew how to apologize, and you could come to her with problems or questions without having to worry.
  • I am so thankful my mom is my mom.  She has been there for every major moment offering her love and support through all of the ups and downs. I am very glad she is Babushka to my son, and I don't know where I would be without her.

Friday, August 6, 2010

on the sunny side of the street

The weather here this morning was absolutely gorgeous.  Lucky for me, my mom has a stroller in the garage borrowed from a friend, so Buddy and I went for a walk from my neighborhood down the road just a bit to my grandmother's.
I love that the neighborhood I grew up in hasn't changed too much over the years.  Most of the families I grew up with have moved out, but the houses still look just about the same, and the neighborhood is still quaint and safe.  Being that I live in a neighborhood where I do not walk my child in a stroller - I drive to a better section of town to walk in a park - today I very much enjoyed getting outside.
My walk triggered memories of riding bikes and later rollerblading down the same road I now walk my baby boy in stroller.  Down the one end of the cul-de-sac is where about a dozen neighborhood kids used to play kickball or kick-the-can until dark and the moms would call us inside, covered in dirt and mosquito bites.  Next door we used to play horse and knock-out in the neighbor's driveway. I look out the window and see the "other Amanda's" house, and I can still see the two of us plus Sam, Breann, and Maggie making up dance moves to the newest New Kids' tape. 
Some of my best childhood memories were on this street. The street I strolled with my little boy today.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

do over

I do wish I could do yesterday over.  I lacked patience and kindness.  I was not content, and I found myself making mental lists of all that I lacked both materially, emotionally, and spiritually.  And while I knew in my heart it was wrong to wallow there, I staked a claim and set up camp, and continued to taking inventory of what was missing.  By doing so, I missed the opportunity to be an asset to someone, I robbed myself of joyful moments with my husband before he headed back home, and I didn't even really like being around myself.
So while I cannot do yesterday over, I am thankful for the grace that is today.  The mercies that came this morning as I rocked Buddy back to sleep at 5 AM, as forgiveness streamed in like the morning sunlight, as I helped the baby wave good-bye to his da-da for a week, as I sit in the stillness of this quiet moment.

"So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it." Col. 3:12-14 MSG

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Holy Mood Swings, Batman

Do pregnancy mood swings predict gender?  If so, I am back to thinking this baby is a girl.  I do not remember days of random crying (not bawling, just silent tears falling) for really no apparent reason with Buddy.  And then five minutes later being fine. And then an hour later being ticked off about something. Back to the tears.  Back to happy.  The ADD of emotions, I think.
Hope to participate in Imperfect Prose again next week, but my brain and my body are too tired this week to type any more.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Monday, August 2, 2010

Multitude Monday 134-144

134. not having any deer hit our car
135. lunch with about 15 adults and 15 children - surprisingly controlled chaos - it was a great time
136. upcoming coffee with my best friend in just a couple of hours - Buddy gets meet her, my friend of almost twenty years, for the first time
137. laughter in the car
138. Buddy falling asleep as soon as I had the wisdom to turn off the night-light
139.biscuits and gravy shared with my son
140. refusing to get stressed out about the next few months as I adopt Scarlett O'Hara's motto, "I'll think about it tomorrow.  After all, tomorrow is another day..."
141. learning about the enormity of the universe and the intricacy of an embryo
142. laminin
143. the anticipation of a scoop of bubble gum ice cream in a dish
144. slobbery kisses