Since returning to this college town five years ago, I have made a lot of acquaintances and casual friendships, but deep friendships? Call in the middle of the night friendships? Call them to bail me out of jail friendships? I can think of just a couple - and even as I type this I think, "Would I call them in the middle of the night?" Not because they aren't wonderful people who wouldn't pick up the phone, but because I think are we really close enough that I could actually do that? I think so, but...
And I can honestly say my lack of really deep friendships at this phase of my life- the type I had growing up and in college - is my own fault. I spent my time on teaching, taking grad classes, watching my husband be a full time student, and then in this last year, my time has been pretty much spent mommy-ing. All of these things I have loved, (well, I AM glad Hubby is done with classes for right now), but it helped me keep people at arm's length. I figured we were only going to be in town for a max of five years, and this is a very transitional town, so I didn't want to invest that much in people only to leave. And now the five years are up, and it looks like despite our efforts to leave, we are here for another two years at least.
So here I am this week, kicking myself for not trying harder to really get to know more people, let my guard down, trust, share, and have fun. I was pleasantly surprised to find out, through a conversation with a good acquaintance, that I was not alone. She was having similar thoughts, and our situations in many ways are similar, so we are getting out of our comfort zones and going to coffee, and trying not to think, "...but I'm only going to be here for so long, and..."
I'm sure this is a rambling post, but in some ways it is me making a commitment to be the "old" me - the girl who, though quiet until you get to know her, is a fun and loyal friend. And this is also somewhat of an apology for holding so many people around here at arm's length in order not to get hurt. I think the unintended consequences of doing so were almost as bad as what would have happened if a friendship did not work out or I had to let it go.
On to the gratitude:
120. conversations on the car ride to and from the Beth Moore study
121. hubby having a few days off as we go through the job transition
122. PG class cookout
123. seeing Bubs in the pool for the first time - he LOVED it
124. when I hear the same message(s) over and over again from different sources, and it finally sinks in
125. upcoming best friend time in August
126. hearing "mamamamama" much more frequently - even if it isn't always in reference to me! :)
127. being complimented on how well Buddy's doing in physical therapy - now I know how parents felt at conference time
128. chips and salsa
129. blogging friends
130. the phone call from the library saying my books are ready for pick up
131. strawberry shortcake
132. on draft Sprecher's cream soda
133. a clean/decluttered coffee table