Monday, June 28, 2010

Why Me? and M.M. #67-79

There have been so many times in my life I have asked God (or the ceiling if I was so mad that I was not speaking to God), "Why me?!"  Feeling betrayed by people, suffering the consequences of my own bad decisions, suffering the consequences of others' bad decisions, losing valuables, losing loved ones, losing a baby, having a baby spend several weeks in the NICU,...
But lately I have been asking God, "Why me?" in a different way.  Why have I been given the chance to stay home when others I know would love to do so and have been told no?  Why is my son doing so well, even with his early start, when there are others with children dealing with diseases and difficulties?  Why have I been blessed with the gift of reconciled relationships when others have done everything in their power to restore relationships and find healing only to be wounded time and time again?  Why have I been given another season of pregnancy when others desperately want a child - by any means possible - and yet they still have to wait?  This one is the hardest for me right now because there are several people I love who have had such a hard journey to parenthood, who would be AMAZING parents, probably better parents than we are, and yet they wait, they wait, they wait.  And my heart has been aching for them lately more than usual because I do not understand. I cannot explain why things are the way they are.  And cookie-cutter answers are not enough.
What I am learning is I have it pretty good.  The waiting, the questions, the worries I have feel like so little in comparison to what others are going through.  I must remain grateful for everything I have been given, big and small.

holy experience

67. coffee with an old friend who was in town - great conversation and catching up
68. reminder from the Rob Bell DVD that nothing I can ever do will make God love me less - NOTHING
69. ah-ha moment during a conversation about the prodigal son's older brother
70. mint chocolate chip ice cream
71. another Friday night watching another Hitchcock movie with my hubby
72. a dishwasher unloaded by my hubby the day after we talked about how much we both hate unloading the dishwasher
73.  watching Buddy learn how to make huge splashes in the tub
74. an hour alone at McAllister's with my Beth Moore study
75. the fuzzy-stand-up-hair on the back of Buddy's head after his nap
76. a two-hour-plus nap on a Sunday afternoon
77. Cheryl's cranberry almond muffins
78. books, books, books loaned from the library and from friends
79. diaper box rides


  1. i love diaper-box-rides. and i love your perspective. so God. so beautiful.

  2. Thank you for this. I clicked over here from your comment on my Tuesday's Unwrapped post.

    I am incredibly blessed with a sweet baby and the privilege of staying home full time with him yet I have been struggling with my selfishness lately. I want to do the things *I want* do to. I feel that I *deserve* a breather at the end of the day after caring for Liam and keeping house all day but Liam seems to need me most after 7pm and he doesn't settle for be easily.

    Thank you for reminding me that I have so much more than I deserve.


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