Saturday, May 22, 2010

being on the parent side instead of the educator side of the IEP

Buddy's IFSP (like IEP) official paperwork came in the mail the other day. I don't know why it hit me funny, but it did. We've already had the tests, the meetings, etc., and physical therapy will start this week. But for some reason, looking at the paperwork with his goals and outcomes made me feel like a failure as a mommy.
I mean, my job is to stay home with him and help him. Why didn't I notice that he was behind physically - even for his adjusted age? And I've been reading what he "should" be doing, again even for his adjusted age, and I am discouraged. We play, we read, we sing, we talk, he doesn't watch tv - why hasn't this been enough?
I know it is just a piece of paper - a piece of paper that qualifies him for the help he needs - but it makes me feel like I have somehow not helped my child as much as I should have. And I worry that he may be behind in other areas, but I just can't/don't/don't want to see it.
I think I am just venting because I am so sick of having this conversation, which I had several times lately.

Person: "Is he walking yet?"
Me: "No, but he reallly is about 9 1/2 months instead of almost a year. You know, since he was born 10 weeks early."
Person: "But he's crawling."
Me: "Nope. He doesn't really move except by rolling. He doesn't stand yet either."
Person: "Oh. .... Well that's okay."

Yes, it is okay because my child's worth is not dependent on what he can do. I know this, I believe this with my wholeheart. So why am I struggling with how people perceive me as a mom?

3 comments:

  1. but now you know! and now you have help to know how to help him! when things aren't the way we expected, we can't expect to have right expectations!! ;)

    you are doing fine! you will get it! you are the best mommy for that boy! and you know what God planned it all on purpose! but of course you knew that ;)

    amy in peru

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  2. The boys' first birthday was hard for me. It's such a milestone in and of itself...."THE FIRST BIRTHDAY" ......and all the normal ...I'm sorry "typical" (I always have to catch myself and use the right term!) things that come along with being one year old. When September rolled around, I was like "But they're not really one yet!!" Luke had only been home for 8 months for goodness sakes. It just didn't seem like it was time.

    We had First Steps from day 1.....I guess cause they boys were so small....the NICU just set it up. But anyway, with preemies, it just seems like there's so much of that kind of talk..."Oh, just give him time. He'll catch up." I had a hard time even knowing what to expect.

    I truly HATED telling their age during the first year. If I said their birthday age.....ugh ...the comments never ended!! "Oh, but they're so small." and "oh, I bet they're crawling all over!" I dreaded being in public and answering all the questions.

    Hang tough momma! You're doing a wonderful Job and don't let those discouraging thoughts take over. Cole is in GREAT hands!!

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  3. You sound like a great mom. Don't feel bad for not noticing that your son was behind physically -- you've been doing what you needed to be doing -- spending time loving him (not looking for supposed flaws).

    It's hard not to let the judgement of others affect us...

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Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts with me.