Buddy's IFSP (like IEP) official paperwork came in the mail the other day. I don't know why it hit me funny, but it did. We've already had the tests, the meetings, etc., and physical therapy will start this week. But for some reason, looking at the paperwork with his goals and outcomes made me feel like a failure as a mommy.
I mean, my job is to stay home with him and help him. Why didn't I notice that he was behind physically - even for his adjusted age? And I've been reading what he "should" be doing, again even for his adjusted age, and I am discouraged. We play, we read, we sing, we talk, he doesn't watch tv - why hasn't this been enough?
I know it is just a piece of paper - a piece of paper that qualifies him for the help he needs - but it makes me feel like I have somehow not helped my child as much as I should have. And I worry that he may be behind in other areas, but I just can't/don't/don't want to see it.
I think I am just venting because I am so sick of having this conversation, which I had several times lately.
Person: "Is he walking yet?"
Me: "No, but he reallly is about 9 1/2 months instead of almost a year. You know, since he was born 10 weeks early."
Person: "But he's crawling."
Me: "Nope. He doesn't really move except by rolling. He doesn't stand yet either."
Person: "Oh. .... Well that's okay."
Yes, it is okay because my child's worth is not dependent on what he can do. I know this, I believe this with my wholeheart. So why am I struggling with how people perceive me as a mom?