Sunday, May 30, 2010

first birthday pictures

Not much time to update, but here are a few pictures from Buddy's first birthday party.

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Friday, May 28, 2010

a non-update update

I haven't written in a few days. Too much going on. Buddy's first birthday/party is tomorrow, so hopefully at the end of the weekend I will write about that. We shall see...

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

He only says Mama at nap time

tuesdays unwrapped at cats

Right now I am trying to get Buddy to nap. He napped horribly yesterday - as in I think a grand total of 38 minutes all day - and that was spread out.
Yesterday he screamed, "Maaaa!"  "Mama!" "Mamamama!"
He hadn't really said that before.
And even though it was in his moment of protesting, it was still a proud moment for me - that at least he is saying those lovely syllables right now, even if I'm unsure that he knows what they mean.
And so after a few minutes I went to get him because he was saying my name. Even though I am not sure he knows it is my name.  Typically his favorite syllables are dadadadada.  When I say, "Mama," he replies, "Dada!" with a toothy grin.
I tried to get him to say Mama at happy moments yesterday, but he wasn't having it.
So what is happening right now?
He is in his crib, crying out, "MaMAmaMA!"
And when I didn't come to his rescue he switched to other syllables, "Dadadada!" and "yeahyeahyeahyeah."
His crying isn't out of control - just a simple protest to napping - so I will sit here for a couple of more minutes, enjoying the babble while praying he would stop fighting the sleep I desperately --- er, I mean HE desperately needs! :)

Monday, May 24, 2010

Multitude Monday #29-39

29.  The LOST series finale.  Although it wasn't the best television series finale ever, it tied up a lot of loose ends for me, answered some of my questions, and made me cry because the characters one final time captured my heart. (I still have questions though!)
30.  Buddy has learned to clap this weekend.  It is pretty stinkin' cute, though not very loud yet.  He is pretty pleased with himself.
31.  Summer weather.  I know some people don't like the heat, but I do.  Not a fan of humidity -- but I'd much rather have it hot and humid than cold and snowy/icy!
32.  Hubby taking the baby with him to go get Saturday morning coffee, and allowing me to get back to sleep.
33.  Build-a-bear for Buddy's first birthday.  That place makes me smile.
34. Discussing LOST, religion, the afterlife, and mostly LOST again until way too late on a Sunday night.
35. Little fingers picking up cheerios.
36.Starting to hear the "Mmm-aa" sound a little bit more.
37. Air conditioning.
38. Peanut butter and jelly.
39. Seeing teacher friends.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

being on the parent side instead of the educator side of the IEP

Buddy's IFSP (like IEP) official paperwork came in the mail the other day. I don't know why it hit me funny, but it did. We've already had the tests, the meetings, etc., and physical therapy will start this week. But for some reason, looking at the paperwork with his goals and outcomes made me feel like a failure as a mommy.
I mean, my job is to stay home with him and help him. Why didn't I notice that he was behind physically - even for his adjusted age? And I've been reading what he "should" be doing, again even for his adjusted age, and I am discouraged. We play, we read, we sing, we talk, he doesn't watch tv - why hasn't this been enough?
I know it is just a piece of paper - a piece of paper that qualifies him for the help he needs - but it makes me feel like I have somehow not helped my child as much as I should have. And I worry that he may be behind in other areas, but I just can't/don't/don't want to see it.
I think I am just venting because I am so sick of having this conversation, which I had several times lately.

Person: "Is he walking yet?"
Me: "No, but he reallly is about 9 1/2 months instead of almost a year. You know, since he was born 10 weeks early."
Person: "But he's crawling."
Me: "Nope. He doesn't really move except by rolling. He doesn't stand yet either."
Person: "Oh. .... Well that's okay."

Yes, it is okay because my child's worth is not dependent on what he can do. I know this, I believe this with my wholeheart. So why am I struggling with how people perceive me as a mom?

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

he looks like Babushka when he sleeps

I put Buddy down for bed.  He went down easily, at first tonight, quietly chatting to himself.  But after awhile his crying picked up to the point of angry. I finally went in to get him, to make sure his diaper wasn't dirty (as is often the trend when he cries so long at nap time), but it wasn't.
So I scooped him and snuggled him on the couch in our dimily lit living room while the click-click-click of Hubby's typing played against the tap-tap-tap of the rain.
Buddy boy was in my arms for just a few minutes when I felt him give in to the exhaustion.  Just release himself, trusting that my arms would hold him as he went to sleep in peace.  There's a part of me that longs for that childlike trust.
The sweet sleepy breaths began, his head tilted back, and his mouth partially open.  He looks like his Babushka sleeping.
I lean down to kiss his forehead.
Thank You, Jesus.  Thank You, Jesus.  Thank You, Jesus.
How often I forget to say that these days.  I said it all the time in our NICU weeks and then the weeks that followed. 
But tonight my gratitude for this gift overwhelmed me.  Not the gift of sleep, but the gift I sometimes call Buddy. Bubby. Buggaboo. Booboo.  Bubs.

Wordless Wednesday - Effort

This kid LOVES the cell phone.  Oh - and you can see some more of his teeth, too!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Well, I know I may lose some readers, but after a few months on wordpress, I made the decision to come back to blogger.  There are things I liked about wordpress, but things I ended up missing from blogger.
I was sad to realize there was already a "wanderingonpurpose" on blogspot.  Grrr!  So I had to add an 81 to the end.  We shall see...

Monday, May 17, 2010

eleven months is my favorite age ... so far

tuesdays unwrapped at cats
Buddy is building his strength more and more every day. Today he rolled and minimally pulled/scooted his way around our bedroom floor. I find that when I want to have him practice moving, I need to take him out of his room where there are too many toys and books distracting him. He rolled himself over to the full length mirror/closet doors and talked to himself quite a bit. He rolled himself over to the bedroom door and was fascinated with moving it back and forth, back and forth. He wants to move like a "big boy," I can sense it. And while I am cheering him on to catch up with his peers, there is a little piece of my heart that wants him to stay small.

How we prayed for him to grow, grow, grow... and now, already, just eleven and a half months in, I want time to slow down.

I find the moments I most want to keep are the ones I most likely won't get on film.

Baby feet swinging from the seat of the grocery cart.
Hiccups after crying in his crib for someone to come pick him up.
Sticky oatmeal-covered fingers in his hair, his eyebrows, his nose from day one of trying out a spoon.
Unrestrained giggles as we "zubba" his belly, arms, and cheeks.
Having my hair pulled, not out of malice, but out of curiousity and the laughter that escapes his mouth when Mama says, "Ouch!"
Middle of the night wake-up calls - the easy ones - where a full belly and a snuggle is repaid with sweet baby snores.

Eleven months old is my favorite age ... so far.

Multitude Monday #15- 28

holy experience

15. thunderstorms in the middle of the night that wake me up for just a moment and then lull me into wonderful sleep
16. speaking of sleep... my dear husband playing with the baby on a Sunday afternoon so I can catch up on the two-plus hours of sleep we all missed out on last night from 2:30-4:30ish AM. I love naps, even more so now that they are harder to come by.
17. roasted chicken and mashed potatoes on Sunday evening, and leftovers for more meals! even better- we purchased them ready to go from the grocery store so there was very minimal clean-up!
18. life still being an adventure
19. the baby falling asleep in the car and staying asleep as he was put in his crib
20. online accountability group starting this week
21. bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit on the way to church
22. anticipation
23. watching Bubby get better and better at building arm strength and making small, but important steps towards becoming more mobile
24. dropping Bubby off at the nursery and hearing people comment how big he has gotten
25. baby feet splashing in the bathtub
26. baby buns trying to roll off the towel after bathtime
27. falling asleep with Bubby on his bedroom floor in the wee hours of the night - lack of sleep not so great - but looking over at his sweet sleeping face before I scoop him up to put him in his crib is pretty precious
28. a pretty easy new haircut that makes me feel less frumpy, even as I sit here and type in my sweats

Sunday, May 16, 2010

The Many Names of Buddy

Every time I type the name Buddy on here it just doesn't feel quite right. I mean, that is one of his nicknames. We called him that a lot when he was in the womb. Hubby calls him that probably more than I do. I just think it looks funny in print for some reason - like a dog name or something, haha. I don't think that when I say it aloud, only in print. But I am sure I am just weird.

What other names does our baby boy go by? Depends on who is talking to him! Here are some of the many names people call him: His real name - which I think is an awesomely unique name. The shortened "common" version of his real name. The shortened version of his name with a "y" attached to the end. Bubby. Bubs. Bubba. Boo-boo (as in Yogi Bear's little friend, not an "owie" or body part). Peanut. Sweet Little Baboo. Buggaboo. This kid is going to be very confused when he gets to school.

But I usually call him Bubby. I was calling him Booboo, but I didn't think he would appreciate that very much when he got a bit older.

And for the record, I don't think I have ever called my husband "Hubby" outside of print. If you can help me think of a better "code" name for my husband for this blog, I would love to switch. "Hubby" just isn't my personality.

Friday, May 14, 2010


Correction - Buddy is getting THREE more teeth. One on each side of his bottom ones and one more on the top right. I'm guessing the one on the top left won't be far behind. Can't believe he is almost doubling his tooth count seemingly overnight!

What's Buddy Up To?

There is no way to title this post without ending in a prepostion. "To What is Buddy Up?" Nope. "Up to... what is Buddy?" haha. Anyhoo...

He is rolling ALL over the place. His bedroom, our bedroom, pretty much any carpet-covered area he is placed - if he sees something he wants to explore he will strategically roll to where he wants to bee. He also uses a little bit of scooting to get the right angle/direction. Today while I was folding laundry he rolled all over our room - to pester E-dog, to kiss himself in the mirror, to grab onto the handle on the bottom dresser drawer, and to play peek-a-boo with the bedskirt.

The other day when Hubby was not fixing Buddy's dinner fast enough (according to Buddy) he yelled out "Ummm!" which sounded soooo close to "Mom!" I think he was wanting me to take over, haha. But at least now he has said the "m" sound. He also has repeated, "Yay!" back and forth with me, though I know he doesn't understand the context. While playing with his plastic shape-blocks, he has finally started clapping them together with both of his hands. We hope soon he will realized he can let go of the shapes and clap his own hands together.

A tooth on the bottom is starting to poke through - when this one is in it will be #5. We think the two top ones are about half way in.

I am trying to get him to nap. He fell asleep briefly in the car, but woke up when I brought him in. Bummer. He is just chatting away to himself in his crib, which is better than crying, but worse than sleeping.

Hubby has his phone interview later today. Praying that goes well. I think that is about it for an update.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Zephaniah 3:17

"For the Lord your God is living among you.
He is a mighty savior.
He will take delight in you with gladness.
With his love, he will calm all your fears.
He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” Zephaniah 3:17 NLT

among you - He is with me, He is in me, and He knows what is like to be human because He took on human form at one time
mighty - nothing is too difficult for Him
delight in you - He enjoys being my friend
With His love, He will calm all your fears --- This is what I am clinging to today

very vague

I had to go somewhere this morning - in the middle of a tornado warning, actually - and I was hoping to get an answer. The answer wasn't really an answer. And I am frustrated. Not angry, just frustrated, because I seriously don't remember the last time in my life I got an answer without some kind of trial or waiting period.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Good Morning Girls

I am looking for friends who would be interested in doing this easy accountability group with me.  It's all online and via email.  Here is the website with the info.
Leave me a comment or email me if you are interested. Thanks!


So we had our initial IFSP meeting today (I kept calling it just IFP before).  Buddy was evaluated using the DAYC - and his age equivalant came up as follows - Cognition 9 months, Communication 6 months, Social-Emotional 5 months, Physical Development 6 months, Adaptive Behavior 8 months.  Keep in mind he is technically a 9 month old, even though he is 11 months on the calendar.

I don't really think the communication score was accurate.  He babbles and talks all of the time, and he interacts with us.  THe same thing with the social - I don't think he is that far behind.  So when we had the meeting we all focused on the physical development because even while all of the people were at the house, Buddy played and babbled happily in his room, then after awhile came out and "socialized" with us while we talked about his goals.  So anyhoo... I think the test was off in that respect.  If he is behind on some of it, I don't think he is that far behind.  Anyhooo....

He will be getting physical therapy once a week for an hour starting in a couple of weeks, next week if the PT has a cancellation.  He will be working on crawling, building arm, leg, and core strength, standing, and cruising over the next 6 months.  As he meets these goals we will add new ones, and we are not limited to just physical things.  But honestly, at this time that is my only major concern with his development.  Some of the social things to me are just lack of opportunity.

Well, I think that is all of the update on that.

In other Buddy news, he is rolling everywhere.  He wants something, he rolls across the room to it.  It is pretty cute, except when yesterday he hit his head on the corner of where the wall/closet in his room met.

Keep me in your thoughts Thursday morning and Hubby on Friday afternoon.  Lots going on it seems in our household, yet not a lot at the same time.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Oops! Multitude Monday

holy experience

9. A great Mother's Day with my two favorite guys - and a great gift certficate I get to use on Wednesday for a pedicure!

10. Taking the time to read more again.  We have been turning the tv off more lately and reading, reading, reading.  Mostly I have been reading easy fiction because at night by the time I am able to read my brain can't handle much more.

11. Surprise gifts - few things are sweeter.

12.  Falling asleep last night to the sound of rain.

13. Time with friends on Saturday morning.  What a great group of gals!

14. Sitting in my car outside of Starbucks yesterday evening with a vanilla latte and Beth Moore's Get Out of that Pit.

Little Crunchers

Buddy boy is loving finger food.  Hubby made himself pancakes last night, and even though Buddy had already eaten dinner, he devoured a couple of bites of this snack.  He is getting really good at eating finger food - Cheerios, puffs, toast - pretty much anything age appropriate we put in front of him, as well as probably not age-appropriate...the child likes the black beans off my chicken tacos from Chipotle.

But his new found favorite are the Gerber "Little Crunchers."  I bought them for him to try the other day only because they were on a really good sale.  We have only tried the veggie dip kind so far, but he devours them.  I tried one to see what they were like - pretty much like eating crunchy air with an extremely mild hint of seasoning.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

My First Mother's Day

It is my first official Mother's Day - at least with my baby on the outside!  In Sunday school today, one of the facilitators asked what is the hardest thing about being a mom and the best thing about being a mom.  Here are some of my thoughts on the topic with less than one year under my belt:

Hardest Things About Being a Mom:

  • Watching your baby in pain.  I saw a lot of that at the beginning, and I will never, ever forget the sounds of Buddy's cries on the days he had his food taken away in the NICU for his own protection.  There is nothing worse than seeing your child suffering and being completely helpless to intervene.

  • Knowing when to trust your instincts and when to trust the "experts."  Somewhere there is a balance, but I don't think I have figured it out yet.

  • Feeling like you have to compare your child to others.  I try really hard not to do that, but sometimes other people seem to want to compare.  "He's not crawling/walking/sleeping-through-the-night/fill-in-the-blank... yet?"  There are moments when some people say this that I feel like I have done something wrong as a mama, even though logically I know that is not true.  I know there will be a lifetime of these comments, and I just hope that I do my best never to participate in the comparison game.

  • Not getting enough sleep.  I LOVE sleep.  Seriously.  I would rather sleep than eat. In fact, I chose that this morning when hubby asked if I would like him to make pancakes.  I replied, "I would actually rather have some more sleep."  So he graciously took the baby and played with him awhile/got him his breakfast while I slept for about an hour.  Glorious.

[caption id="attachment_1256" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Mother's Day 2010"][/caption]

The best things about being a mom:

  • Holding your baby for the first time and knowing he belongs to you.  There is nothing more precious than that moment. I cry just thinking about it!

  • Watching all of the firsts. I know I am only at the beginning of this journey of firsts, but seeing the first smile, hearing the first laughs and babbles, watching the first roll - every new thing Buddy does makes me burst with pride.

  • Having sweet conversations - and yes, we have conversations even though he doesn't have actual words yet.  Buddy's most talkative time is in the morning (go figure that my child is a morning person!), and some of the best chats we have are when he is snuggled in our bed before we really start the day.

  • For me one of the best things was during pregnancy when I could feel him moving inside of me.  The first time I felt him for sure was right when I was about to fall asleep one night.  I remember I woke Hubby up when I exclaimed, "OH!" after I felt Buddy do a sommersault.

  • Watching him fall asleep on my lap.  I know these days won't last forever, so I will cherish them while they are here.

  • Just having fun. Remembering to stop and enjoy the moments instead of worrying about the dust on the piano or the dishwasher needing unloaded.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Mother's Day

Although technically I believe last Mother's Day was my first Mother's Day, since I believe life begins at conception, tomorrow will be my first Mother's Day with my baby outside of me.  :)

I have been thinking the last few days of all the lessons I have learned so far this year - my first year as a mommy - and the lessons that come to mind are not "typical" mommy-lessons.  This year as a mom, I have learned the importance of relationships and reconcilliation.

It struck me while I was in a Hallmark store this week, buying the most Mother's Day cards I have ever bought at one time.  Mom, mother-in-law, stepmom, two grandmas, and a great-grandma.  I joked with the cashier about the joys of  blended families, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized the truth in that statement.  Not just a blended family, but a reconciled family.  I can't even begin to type about all of the healing that has taken place in our family over the last year.  I am blessed.  And the best Mother's Day gift is that my son is growing up with all sorts of grandmas whom I know pray for him all of the time.

That was exhausting!

Here's my precious boy - exhausted this evening after this morning's March of Dimes walk.  He slept in his stroller during the walk, but didn't nap at all the rest of the day - until 6:40 tonight.  Let's hope all that fresh air today means he sleeps well tonight.  Sleep would be a great Mother's Day gift!

March for Dimes

Friday, May 7, 2010


I made cornbread to go with dinner last night, and last night Buddy tried a little bit.  He enjoyed it.

Every morning he has some sort of fruit and oatmeal for breakfast.  When he is done with that I either give him some Cheerios or toast for him to work on feeding himself.  He is getting very good at this skill - I think half of the food ends up in his mouth!  (The other half ends up on his clothes, high chair, tray, and eventually to E-dog's bowl.)

This morning along with his Cheerios he is chowing down on some cornbread.  What a crumbly mess!

Thursday, May 6, 2010


Sorry for being so negative yesterday.  It is just disheartening because we knew when we were moving here we would be here at least five years, so renting seemed like it would be a waste of money. And the economy was good at the time, so buying a house made sense.  And we were responsible.  Even though we were approved for a much bigger loan, we only took out what we knew we could afford on my teacher salary (since Hubby was going back to school).  So it is just frustrating that because of other people's irresponsibility (politicians on both sides of the aisle and individuals and corporations who made bad decisions, etc.), we feel stuck with a house that at the time everyone said was a good decision.  But I digress...

A happy story about the baby:

He is beginning to be able to repeat the word, "Woof!" and we are trying to have him associate it with E-dog.  Sometimes he sounds more like he is saying, "Boof!" or "Woo(p)!", but it has the same intonation as "Woof!" - which he says sometimes as well.  We notice he is saying it to himself just for fun.  Now if only he would start making the Mmmm sound so he can say one of the most important words of all, "Mama."

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

home ownership stinks

So we've been talking with our real estate agent (who is great) about what else we can do to sell our house.  Basically what she is hearing from the other realtors who look at our house online is that it looks like a great and well-maintained house (it is), it is just our location that is deterring people.  And there is nothing we can do about that fact.

Blah.  That stinks.  I have stronger words I am thinking, but I won't type them since my grandma reads this. :)

Wordless Wednesday - The Angry Face

Do I look like Mommy or Daddy here?

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

keep praying for this preemie

Some of you know that for the last several weeks I have been praying for this family - a family I do not know, but that are family of a family of a friend or something like that.  I know some of you have joined me in praying for them.  This baby was born at 23 week (I think) which is so stinkin' early.  Six weeks earlier than Buddy-boy, if you can even imagine that!  Anyhoo - here is a link to their family website.  Every time I go there I get choked up, but I am reminded of the goodness of God, and I am reminded to never stop praying.  Please continue praying with me for their little miracle baby.


Motherhood is MESSY!  But it is completely worth it!

Here is Buddy Boy yesterday at lunch - he spit his sweet potato bisque all over his face.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Multitude Monday

4.  Buddy boy turned 11 months old a few days ago.

[caption id="attachment_1214" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="11 months old"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1215" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="sweet baby boy"][/caption]

5. Family birthday party invitations are made, addressed, stamped, and in the mail!

6. Watching E-dog "play" with the baby.  She is sooo good with him, not jealous at all and very protective.

7. Caramel latte from the Muddhouse on Saturday... one of the highlights of my week.  If only I had more money for the coffee fund...

8.Incredible peace with the decision I made last week.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

this and that

  • This was the third night in a row that Buddy slept terribly -- and that meant we slept terribly.  Up every 2 hours - whether he was in his crib or in bed with us. Ugh!  Thank goodness it was Saturday and our budgeted weekly trip to the Muddhouse for some much needed coffee.

  • The top teeth are really starting to come in.  He is grinding them which makes me want to vomit. I HATE that sound.  I sure hope he outgrows that habit once the teething ends.

  • I am sad about more teeth making an appearance.  It is making my baby look more like a little boy and less like a baby.

  • Walgreen's wasted my time today.  I went to pick up pictures, and they needed  proof we had the rights to the pictures.  Mind you, we have printed off TONS of pictures/other people have printed off tons of pictures that we had taken this spring, and never once were we asked to show proof.  We have proof, I just wish I would have known I had to take it to the store.  It is totally throwing off my schedule for the day/trying to beat the rain to get some errands done.

  • The invitations for Buddy's birthday are done - ready to mail once I get the pictures from Walgreens.  I made the invitations myself.  I am not sure that was the wisest decision I have ever made, but hey, they're unique, and they're made with love and really crappy glue.  The glue I bought for the project was titled "extra-strength," but it was anything but extra-strength.  Do not buy Elmer's extra-strength glue stick. It is false advertising.