I have many fears about writing about what happened Thursday and the decision I made. Fears that people will think I am crazy, fears that people will think I wasted a school district's time, fears that people who recommended me for a job will be hurt that I didn't take the job, etc... It is not my intention to be a jerk or crazy or anything else. I am not a person who feels like she has the whole relationship-with-God thing down really great these days. My walk has been improving in the last couple of months, but it is nowhere near where it should be. So I hope this does not come across holier-than-thou or super-spiritual because I am not either of those things.
I woke up Thursday knowing I would be making some sort of job decision. I had been offered a job the week before at District A, and the principal there had been gracious enough to give me the time to finish up my interview process with District B so that I could make the best decision for our family. Each district had its pros and cons, which I won’t take the time to write about here because it isn’t that important. The one thing I will say for District A is it is where my teacher-friends are, it is familiar, and the boss I would have next year I had only heard good things about. Anyhoo...
I went to my second interview with B. I had to teach a lesson, and I know I did well. (The GLE I was given was rather boring, but I did what I could with it.) The interview after the lesson went well, and throughout the process district B expressed a lot of interest in hiring me. After the interview they told me they would let me know today or tomorrow as they had a few more interviews that day. I went home, going over everything in my head – trying to make a decision about telling A yes. I discussed with my husband for the millionth time. Still struggling to make a decision, I decide to try to lay down and get the baby to take a nap. Neither of us did.
While I was attempting to rest, I heard something speak to me – not outloud, but to my gut/spirit. I felt like God was telling me, “Take a risk. Tell A no. Things might not turn out the way you want/plan, but I need you to trust Me, and take a risk and say no.” So of course I have a conversation in my head with God, “But God, I will look really stupid to this, especially if the other job tells me no.” To which I felt God say, “Don’t worry about looking stupid. I want you to trust Me.”
Well those of you who know me well know how great I am at trusting (insert sarcastic tone here). I want my life planned out and to know all the possible results of all my possible decisions, and doing this would give me none of those things. Nervously, I went and talked about what I was feeling to my husband, who very much encouraged me to do what God was impressing me to do, even though on paper it made absolutely no sense at all.
So I called District A to tell them that although I appreciated everything everyone there had done for me, I could not accept the job. I did not have a peace about it. No sooner do I start making this phone call than does Dear Hubby get a phone call. An out of the blue phone call from a job he applied for last fall. A job we never heard any more about, so we thought that door had closed, and honestly we moved on and pretty much forgot about that job. They want to do a phone interview with him in two weeks. When he told me about the call, I got chills because the timing of it was so bizarre. I’m not saying this job will work out for us or anything, just the timing of the call was weird. Anyhoo...
Very shortly after that I heard from District B. They told me, “not at this time,” which of course was a little upsetting. It is not fun to be rejected, even just moments before when you felt that God was telling you to trust Him to take care of you. And I know that He will. Like I said earlier, nothing on paper makes sense. An outside of observer would probably point out things I could have/should have done, but I know with 100% certainty I was called to trust God and do something seemingly-crazy.
So I did. And that is not at all how I expected the day to go when I woke up.