There is really no easy way to tell people at work the following information. It is not something I want to say at PLC as a "celebration" because although I am content in my decision, there have been and will be a lot of tears (from me) about my decision. I figured I would post about it on here, and people can know about it and circulate the info that way.
I had been planning to come back and teach next year after taking six weeks for maternity leave. It is my opinion that women (and men) should have a choice in whether or not to work outside of the home. Hubby and I have had discussions about this even in our dating, and we have both always felt that if possible I would have the choice to teach or to stay home. Well, that choice kept weighing on my mind the last few weeks. I have felt completely unsettled no matter which pro/con list I examined. I love teaching (most days). I feel like I am good at my job. I don’t view it just as a job, but as a calling. I love what I have been able to do in terms of piloting a co-taught classroom. I have a fabulous co-teacher I get to work with. I wouldn’t be moving classrooms this year (something that has only happened once in my teaching career). After four years of Hubby being in school, we would finally have a true double income. I am not a "traditional" wife. He is a better cook. I do not enjoy housework. I have a sewing machine I still don't know how to use. I am proud of the fact that I have a solid education, and would love to pursue a PhD or EdD at some point. Yet with all of these things I still felt unsettled and unsure about going back to work next year.
I have prayed, I have waited and listened, I have been in the Word more lately than I have in months, and I have gathered advice and insight from all viewpoints. I turned in my letter of resignation yesterday. I am going to stay at home with Buddy next year, and perhaps do something part-time/at-home to bring in some income.
There are many reasons for this decision. One reason is Hubby may have an opportunity to do something different this fall/winter, which would require him to relocate. I think another reason is that my mom was a stay-at-home mom for the most part until I was 12. And when she went back to school to finish her degree we had my grandparents around for any childcare needs. We do not have that here. Additionally six weeks to spend at home with Buddy before I go back just doesn’t seem like enough. I have never been a mom before, and I have no idea how I will feel about working or staying home, but I know that I can always teach again if the stay at home thing doesn’t work for my personality/our family. I cannot go back and redo the first several months of my child’s life if I would choose to continue to teach and that didn’t work for me.
I know the last 6 years I was called to teach. I know that I may be called to teach again even in another year. But next year I sense God is calling me to trust. That is what He continues to stir in my heart. Trust Him to provide financially in the midst of an income cut and added expenses, to provide a new outlet for my strengths and abilities, to provide direction for our family if we relocate, to provide new friendships and strengthen old ones, and to find my identity in Him rather than in a new role or an old career. My first "decision" as a mom is one of the most difficult decisions of my life, but I can be confident that God is with me. Let this new adventure begin! (Well, not quite yet -technically in August it will begin.)